


Spite

by wellitcouldbeworse3



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Growth, Healing, Levi is Bad At Feelings (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi is In Denial (Shingeki no Kyojin), Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Plot, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Sort Of, Will add to these as this goes on, but i refuse to use yn, no beta we die like men, that shit drives me mad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:00:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 31,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29210019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wellitcouldbeworse3/pseuds/wellitcouldbeworse3
Summary: You wake up in a hospital bed with plenty of injuries and no memories, and the only person that seem more upset about it than you are is a short, angry man named Levi.Takes place directly after A Choice With No Regrets.
Relationships: Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin)/Reader, Levi/Reader
Comments: 146
Kudos: 444





	1. 0 - 1

Levi Ackerman was never one for waiting.

When he wants something, he gets it. When he needs something done, he does it. Even now, hand-to-hand sparring with some of the other Survey Corps, he refuses to wait for his opponent to come to him; he steps in and flips the taller man over his shoulder before he even has the chance to react.

"Cheap trick!" the man hisses from his spot on the ground. "Underground bastard!"

Levi shoots him a half-assed glare. As impatient as he is, he also isn't one to rise to cheap taunts.

The man scrambles to his feet, teeth bared in rage, but Levi's eyes are elsewhere. There's a man in a suit, not quite jogging but perhaps speed-walking towards Commander Erwin, who Levi suspects has an eye on him. Erwin is well aware that his agreement to join the Survey Corps is conditional, but there's always a look in his eye that makes Levi think that the man is preparing a presentation on why he should stay.

The man in the suit stops next to urgently and says something, short but urgent. "Asshole, pay attention to me!" his opponent snarls, but Levi simply ducks under his punch and sticks his foot out to trip him. His eyes are trained on Erwin, who's now looking at him.

The blond man smiles. Levi glares.

"Levi," Erwin calls, beckoning to him. The black-haired man shoots his opponent one last look before he jogs around the other people training, heading over to the commander.

The blond man gives him a salute. Levi doesn't return it.

If Erwin minds, he doesn't say. Instead, he grins. "Your time in the Survey Corps no longer rests upon a condition."

Levi quirks an eyebrow. "If you're going to give me a presentation, at least wait until I've cleaned up."

Erwin smirks. "She's awake."

He blinks in surprise.

No, Levi was never one for waiting.

So without another word, he turns on his heel and jogs- no, he's full on sprinting- towards the castle, his heart practically in his throat as he whips around a corner. Footsteps light against the ground, Levi runs like he's never run before, allowing himself to feel the slightest bit of hope for the first time since that night.

He should've known better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for reading! I'm new to ao3 so I appreciate the read! <3


	2. 0 - 2

The light hurts.

You scrunch your eyelids shut, a wave of red and black popping up into your vision. The brightness of the light is currently blinding you, rendering you unable to open your eyes without a flash of pain and nausea. You slow yourself down, forcing the air out of your lungs in an attempt to relax. Take your time. Breathe, then open.

Following your own advice, you inhale shakily. The air stings your throat. You force the air out again in a measured exhale.

Okay, let's try this again.

The first fact that's becoming increasingly apparent is that you can't open one of your eyes. You raise your hand to your face, prodding around your left eye. Bandages- a lot of them. They're forcing your eye shut. Well, one is better than none, I suppose.

Slowly, you blink your right eye open and try to adjust to the light as you take in your surroundings. The current bane of your existence is caused by a singular lamp that's swinging from the ceiling. You're in a bed, wearing- a hospital shirt? It's a faded blue thing that looks like it's seen better days. You frown. There's a set of chairs next to one side of your bed, accompanied by a small side table.

You try to reach out and wince at how stiff you are. "Ow," you complain, shoulders tight. You lift the light sheet and wince; one of your ankles is heavily wrapped in white bandages.

"Where am I?" you whisper, and it's only after speaking that you realize how dry your throat feels. Water. Water would be nice.

You glance around. No water. No signs of other people. You slowly sit yourself up, head spinning, but you manage to keep yourself upright. Your hands fly to your forehead, trying to banish the dizziness, and you're surprised to feel more bandages. You gently prod your face; they're covering your entire forehead as well as your left eye.

"What the fuck," you echo hollowly, wishing you had a mirror. What the hell happened to you?

Do you wait for someone to find you, or do you go find someone yourself? You puzzle it for a moment, listening attentively. Faint footsteps, coming towards you. You glare expectantly at the door, but the footsteps pass right on by. Shit. Maybe you are going to have to get up.

Carefully, you swing your legs over the bed and set your feet on the ground. The stone is cold underneath your bare feet.

"One, two," you chant to yourself, palms pressed into the mattress, "three!"

You push yourself up to your feet and regret it immediately. The crippling wave of nausea and dizziness swarms you, and there's a blistering pain in your left ankle that feels like fire crawling up your leg. You fall back onto the bed, blinking the spots out of your vision. Okay, maybe not.

You don't let your head fall against the pillow, unwilling to accept defeat. But after another attempt of standing, it's clear that you're not going to be in much shape to hold yourself up, let alone walk to the door. With a sigh, you swing your legs back up onto the bed. You hear footsteps again and look around wildly, wondering if there's some way you can get the attention of whoever's in the hall. "Hey!" you call out weakly, but the word hurts your throat.

Your eye zeroes in on the table. There's a mug.

Well, broken glass... The footsteps have almost passed, and you groan. "Fuck it," you mumble. You pick up the mug in your right hand and throw it at the door.

Your muscles sing in pain. It's a weak throw, but it does the job; the mug strikes the wood and falls, shattering upon impact. You hear the footsteps pause and hold your breath, then nearly cheer when the doorknob turns. The wooden door pushes open, revealing two men, both wearing suits. You don't recognize either of them.

"She's awake," one of them says softly. He's wearing a crisp grey suit and has brown hair combed back and perfectly styled. You have a weird urge to mess it up. Both men look down at the broken mug, then back up at you. The first man turns to his partner. "Go fetch Doctor Fizal." His partner nods, shooting you one last wary look, and takes off.

"Where am I?" you ask, but your voice is so raspy that you immediately cringe.

"A hospital located inside Wall Rose," the brown-haired man says. "Your doctor will fill you in."

You blink. Wall who?

The man disappears briefly, but he returns with a bottle of water and broom. You take the water gratefully, taking large gulps. The water is cold and refreshing, almost stinging your throat. The man sweeps away the broken glass, picking up the larger chunks and setting them on a shelf. He waits at the door, periodically checking his watch and glancing down the hall. You're not sure if you're allowed to ask anything, but you hit a point where there's way too much you want to ask.

"What happened to me?" you ask, bottle clutched in your hand.

He raises an eyebrow at you. "You don't remember?"

You shake your head.

"An expedition against the titans," he explains, but you just stare at him in confusion. "I don't know much about it, but I know you've been out for a while and you weren't exactly expected to wake up."

...Titans?

He says it like it's supposed to be obvious what a titan is. Expedition? Wait- "How long have I been out?" you ask.

"A little over a month, I think," he replies, checking his watch again. "Maybe two. Three?" Your jaw slips open in surprise. Have you been in a coma since then? "You've missed quite a bit," he continues. "Wall Maria fell. A giant titan, over fifty meters tall, appeared and broke the gate into Shiganshina. Another titan, one covered entirely in armor, broke the main gate into Wall Maria."

Wall Maria? Titans? Fifty meters, armor?

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?" you say aloud.

The man stares at you, eyes narrowed, like he's trying to decipher what you mean. It should be obvious- you have no idea what he's talking about, but he's saying it like it's common knowledge. How much more clear can you be?

He opens his mouth to reply, but someone new walks into the room. It's a small woman with a white coat, her black hair pulled up into a bun at the top of her head. The man who had been keeping you company nods to her, gives you a hard stare, and leaves. "Hello, Miss Logan," she says politely, pulling up one of the chairs next to your bed. "How are you feeling?"

Your head spins. Logan? Miss Logan?

That's when you realize your situation may be worse than you originally expected, because she just called you Miss Logan and you had no idea that was your name. Holy shit, what's your name? Why don't you know that? Logan, Logan, Logan- what's your first name? What's your doctor's name? Mother, father, friends- anyone?

Do you really not remember anything?

The doctor must sense your distress. "Miss Logan, calm down," she says firmly, which definitely doesn't help calm you down, "you're safe here, I assure you. You may be feeling a bit of stress from the night of the incident."

You want to scream. Instead, you settle on, "what the fuck."

The doctor's eyebrows raise. "Well, an appropriate reaction, considering what you've been through."

What the ever-loving hell have I been through?! You're two seconds away from strangling this woman for her lack of clarity when the door flies open again, and another person appears, breathless. He's short and has shaggy black hair, slightly unkempt- it looks like he's been running. He's wearing some sort of training uniform with a brown jacket. The logo on it is a set of wings, and it feels like it should be familiar.

He's got the sharpest eyes you've ever seen- a steely grey color. Your jaw slips open slightly. You know him, you're sure of it. You've felt that piercing gaze before, and as your eye drifts to his hand placement on the doorway, you're almost sure that you can feel a solid grip around your wrist.

His expression is a mix of controlled neutrality and relief. "You made me wait," he says, his voice carefully quiet.

You should know him. You should. What's his name?

"Sorry?" is the only thing that comes to mind. He raises an eyebrow at you, looking somewhat puzzled by your answer. "I, uh..." how do you bridge this? How do you tell these people that seem to know you that you have no idea who they are?

The man steps into the room. He doesn't take a chair, instead moving to stand on the other side of you. He glances up at the doctor. "How is she?"

She smiles politely. "I arrived barely ten seconds before you did, sir."

He looks to you next. "A month and a half? Really?"

You resist the urge to snap at him. You've already gathered that you've been in a coma of sorts for a while, based on what the first man said to you. "Oh, my bad," you say sourly. "Next time I'll wake myself up earlier."

"See that you do."

Despite the banter, he still looks rather relieved. His lips are twitching in a smirk- whoever this guy is, you must have bickered an awful lot. At least, that's your guess. So is it safe to assume that he's a friend? He seemed relieved when he came in, and his timely appearance must mean he heard the news rather quickly. He must be important.

You're about to say something about the fact that you have no idea who you are when the doctor says, "Miss Logan, I'm Doctor Fizal, and I've been monitoring you for the past month or so. Your ankle will take longer to heal, but it will at some point- I'm unsure about your eye."

"My eye," you repeat, your hand flying up to prod the white bandage.

The man next to you must be catching on that you're a bit out of it, because he says, "what do you remember?"

You swallow. Here goes. "Nothing."

"The brain sometimes suppresses traumatic memories," Doctor Fizal says calmly, fingers gently pushing at your ankle in different spots and looking for where you wince. "It's natural. They'll come back over time."

"No, I..." you trail off. "I don't remember anything."

She hums. "Like I said, it's not a surprise. Give it a few days. I'm sure Levi can help fill you in."

The handsome man next to you- Levi- leans towards you. "What do you mean, you don't remember anything?" he says cautiously.

You meet his eyes. "I- I don't know anything," you say, and your general confusion seems to pour out of you in the form of word vomit. You look away. "I just woke up a few minutes ago, and- some man mentioned titans? And a wall? And I don't know what either of those are. You, I feel like I should know you," you say, looking at him. "But I didn't even know your name until she said it. I- I don't know what my name is."

There's a stony silence. All traces of relief vanish immediately from Levi's face. "You're joking."

"What's my name?" you ask quietly, tears pricking your eyes. Well, the one that's working, anyways.

"This isn't funny."

"I'm not laughing."

He doesn't say anything else. His impassive face of relief and maybe a bit of warmth has been replaced with an icy, guarded expression. He's shut himself off.

Before you can think of anything else to say, he turns and storms towards the door, throwing it open and slamming it shut with enough force to rattle the lamp above your head. You stare at the door, a lone tear rolling down your cheek that you barely notice. Why does this hurt so much? You don't even know him.

"Miss Logan, I believe you may have amnesia," Doctor Fizal says softly, taking a paper clipped onto a board from the side table.

You snort, handing swiping at your cheek. "Gee, you think?"

"Do you remember anything at all?" she says, ignoring your sarcasm. She dips a quill in ink, and her hand flies across the paper. You resist the urge to grab her papers and see what she's writing. "Anything at all? Names, feelings, words?"

"No," you murmur with a shake of your head.

She sighs. "Well. This may be a trifle bit more complicated than we anticipated."

"A trifle?" you mutter. You don't know much about yourself, but at the very least, you don't hold back on your sarcasm. Once again, the woman doesn't bite on your sarcasm. You swallow your nerves and ask the question you almost don't want to hear the answer to. "Doctor? What's my name?"

Doctor Fizal says a name- your name, apparently. It sounds weird.

You try it out yourself, repeating it and then again with the last name attached. "Weird," you murmur, your tongue dry in your throat. You glance down at your water bottle- empty.

She tucks the quill into a small case and stands up. "Alright. I'm going to go speak with a few of my colleagues- we haven't had an amnesia case in a long time. We'll look through our notes and report to Commander Erwin."

"What am I supposed to do?" you ask, frowning.

Doctor Fizal smiles at you. "Exactly what you've been doing for the last two months, dear. Get some rest."

With that, she leaves, closing the door softly behind her. You stare blankly at the wooden door again, racking your brain for any sort of memory. All you've got is your own name- which someone else had to tell you- and the fact you were friends with someone named Levi, who looked like he wanted to tear your head off your shoulders.

Levi. He'd seemed so hopeful. Relieved. And when he left, he'd been cold. Angry. He was definitely a friend. So why couldn't you remember him?

Confused, upset, and overwhelmed beyond belief, you tuck your knees up to your chest and cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has also been posted on Wattpad- my username there is ohdontiwish. In case you prefer Wattpad as a reading platform :)


	3. 0 - 3

Your next visitor is a tall, blond man with sharp eyes that immediately make you stiffen up. There's something familiar about him too, but not in the same way Levi was familiar. Levi was someone you feel like you should've known inside and out. This man makes you want to hit something. You narrow your eyes.

"Logan," he greets. "Good to see you awake."

"You'd be the first to think so," you reply, frowning.

"I see Levi's been here."

"Briefly."

"I've been informed of your circumstances."

"Wonderful," you say, trying to bite back on the sarcasm unsuccessfully. Another person who knows you and is now going to walk on eggshells around you. "So you already know I have no idea who you are," you say when he doesn't say anything else.

He smiles. "Well, we haven't known each other very long."

"And Levi?"

"How long you've known him?" he asks, and you nod. "I'm not entirely sure. I just know you two are close. You've been close friends for at least a year by my guess. He's the closest living person to you, from the best of my knowledge."

You nod, straightening up. Maybe the blond man hadn't meant to, but he's answered a few more of your questions: Levi's a friend, not a boyfriend (you're not sure whether you're upset by that or not). Closest person to you- so you're closer with Levi than your family. If you have any. And you most likely don't have a significant other then, if Levi's the one you're closest to.

His word choice bothers you. "Living?" you ask, tightening your grip on the hospital sheets.

His expression doesn't change. "The expedition that put you in this state also claimed the lives of a few of your friends."

You try to feel sad, but it's kind of hard when you have no idea who or what he's talking about. "What expedition?"

"If I'm correct, you don't know anything about titans or our way of living?" he asks, and you shake your head. "Alright. Would you be okay with me debriefing you on humanity's current situation?"

"Humanity?" you repeat, and he nods. You press your palms to your forehead. "Um, sure."

"Stop me whenever." He clears his throat. "For as long as-"

"Wait. What's your name?"

He smirks. "Erwin Smith. I'm the commander of the Survey Corps."

So this is who Doctor Fizal had to report to. You survey him, wondering if he'll complain if you try and put your feelings into words. There's something about him that bothers you and you're not quite sure what it is, but it's there. Ah, fuck it, you think to yourself. I've got nothing to lose. "I don't like you very much, do I?"

To your surprise, Erwin chuckles. "No, you don't."

"Oh." You pause, slightly pleased with yourself. Your hunch was right. "Well, go on."

He regards you for a moment, making you slightly uncomfortable, then he grins. "I don't think you're such a lost cause, Logan."

"At this rate, I'm going to get 'lost cause' printed on my forehead."

"Don't be rash."

"Try me." The blond man looks amused. "Well, get on with it," you push, waving a hand at him. "I don't have all day."

"Made plans?"

You shrug, smirking. "I've got a nap scheduled in five minutes, but if you're somewhat entertaining, it can wait."

Erwin grins. "Challenge accepted."

So you slide your knees up to your chest, wrap your arms around your legs, and listen. In all fairness, Erwin is a good story teller. At least, that's what it feels like this should be: a story. Some sort of fairy tale. Because there's no way that fifteen meter creatures like what he's describing exist. The walls, the last of humanity? It doesn't feel real. But there's something in his stories that feels familiar, and nothing shocks you. It feels like it shouldn't be real. It shouldn't. But... There's not an ounce of lie in Erwin's eyes.

You ask him more, and he tells you what he knows about you. You're a recently-made member of the Survey Corps, recruited by Erwin from the 'underground'- and apparently he knows nothing about you from before then. The underground.

Only Levi would know more about you. You need to talk to Levi.

Erwin goes on about how you skipped most of the training, instead joining right away and jumping in on an expedition. "I wasn't there for your injury," he says, his voice measured. "The weather was awful. Rain and fog- no one could see a thing. When I had arrived, Levi was the only one standing. He thought you were dead."

You bite your lip, anxious.

"We were collecting the bodies, and found you were alive after all." Erwin clears his throat and shifts backwards in his chair. "You've been recovering here ever since. No one knew if you were going to wake up."

"Oh." You let your legs relax, stretching them out across the bed. "Well, I did."

"You did," he agrees. "And Levi's been here already?"

You nod, swallowing the lump in your throat. "I don't think he..." You trail off.

Erwin sighs. "He's disappointed, Logan. Give it time."

"Does no one call me by my first name?" you ask, frowning.

"Not many," he admits. "You went by Logan in the underground and it carried on for the short period of time you were in the Survey Corps."

"Oh." You pause, trying to digest everything he's told you. What now? Do you just... go back to fighting titans and whatnot? Would you even know how? You bring your hands up to your face, touching your bandaged eye. "Will this heal?" you ask quietly, glancing up at Erwin.

His expression doesn't change. "I'm not sure."

Well, that's great. You pinch your lips together. "Now what?"

"You heal."

"And after that?"

"That remains to be discussed and we'll be able to make a decision based on how much you remember and if your abilities have left you."

"So my memories can come back?" you say quickly, straightening up.

Erwin crosses his arms. You're trying your best to read his body language but it's difficult considering you met the man all of ten minutes ago. "Yet to be seen," he says eventually. "Your case is unique. Although I believe a bit of optimism wouldn't be misplaced."

You stare, trying to see if he's just giving you false hope, but his gaze never wavers. He's being honest.

"Alright," you mutter.

He smirks. "You don't seem very optimistic."

"I woke up an hour ago. Give me a break."

Erwin stands up. You keep your eyes trained on him as he pushes the chair back into its original position and heads to the door. "I'll stop by again, Logan," he says, turning back to you. "With a plan or some better news."

"And Levi," you add.

There's a flicker of a smile on Erwin's face. "And Levi," he agrees.

The blond man closes the door softly behind him, leaving you to your thoughts- which there aren't very many of. Just questions, questions, and more questions.

With nothing better to do, you let your head fall against the pillow and pass out almost immediately.

.

Two weeks pass.

Two weeks of only seeing the annoying face of Doctor Fizal and her assistant, a short boy with curly black hair that stammers every time he talks. He introduces himself as Tanner, and Doctor Fizal says he's going to act as your memory. He's sort of endearing in a way- he's short, has freckles stretching across his cheeks, and twirls some sort of writing utensil in his fingers constantly. Always moving, always fidgeting, and always asking questions.

Tanner sits with you every morning and asks you a series of pointless questions- do you remember your name, your age, your family, on and on and on. Every day, checking for new developments. He starts asking for feelings, hunches, ideas, other ridiculous things that make your empty head spin. Word association, things like that. Nothing that actually helps.

In a way, his company is nice. It helps you keep track of the days. Even if his questions about various things are sort of aggravating.

"Any thoughts on the outdoors?" Tanner asks one morning.

You pretend to think, then cross your arms. "I'd have more opinions on the outdoors if I was actually allowed to leave my room," you say casually.

It's true- the most you've been outside of your hospital room is to the bathroom across the hall, and you're always supervised. Your ankle still feels sore when you stand on it, so Doctor Fizal has given you a crutch to use. The door is always locked when no one else is in here, which means you can't leave.

Tanner winces. "You- you know that's only for your safety. Sensory overload, you know."

"So you've said," you muse, picking at a loose thread on the bed sheet.

"How about trees?" he pushes, his small quill tapping against a binder of papers that he carries everywhere.

"Tall," you say blankly.

"How about the short ones?"

"...Short?"

Tanner sighs, jotting down something on his paper. "Okay, well, how about quills?" he offers, holding up his utensil. "Any opinions on those?"

You blink. "Ink?"

"Do you want to draw?"

"Sure," you reply, surprised. He never really gives you the opportunity to do much.

Tanner holds it out, then hesitates. "I feel like you'll stab me with this."

"Debating it," you say honestly.

Tanner's hand snaps back to his side so fast that you wouldn't have been surprised if he accidentally stabbed himself with the quill. He taps it repeatedly against the paper- that tapping is really testing your patience. "Well- well, only a few more things for today," he says. "I have to come up with some new stuff for tomorrow..."

The door pushes open, and you straighten up.

It's the first time you've seen him since his initial entrance two weeks ago, but Levi's face has been imprinted in your brain. Once again, his expression is impassive and it looks like he's glaring at you. He's holding a tray in his hands. Resting on the tray is an hourglass, a spall teapot, and two cups.

Levi looks at Tanner. "Get out."

Tanner's jaw slips open. "Well- I'm not- not really done-"

"Well, now you'll have material for tomorrow," you say quickly, and Tanner's head swivels back to you. "Less work for you, right?"

"I'll lock the door when I leave," Levi adds.

Tanner's jaw closes, then opens, then closes. One more hard glare from Levi is all he needs to stumble out of the room, tripping over his own feet. Levi shuts the door behind Tanner with his foot, then sets the tray down on a nearby table.

You stare, so many questions posed on your tongue. Levi glances at the hourglass, which still has sand trickling through it.

Eventually, you settle on, "why the hourglass?"

"It's best when it's steeped for three minutes," Levi replies, eyes trained on the sand falling through the glass. "Longer than that and the tea is too bitter."

The hourglass runs out. Levi takes the teapot and carefully pours out two cups. You eye the steam coming off of the top of the cup warily. "Trying to poison me?" you joke bitterly, taking the tea cup by the handle.

Something flickers in his eyes, but it's gone so fast that you might have imagined it. "Tempting," he replies.

Levi picks up his cup, but he does it weirdly. He holds it from the top using all of his fingers and his thumb and brings it to his lips, taking a sip. Tentatively, you bring the tea cup up to your mouth and pour some of the hot liquid down your throat. It's soothing. "What type of tea is this?" you ask, hands clenched around the tea cup for warmth.

"Green."

"Oh." You take another sip. "You made me wait," you say, echoing his words to you from two weeks ago.

Levi takes another sip of his tea, leaning back in the chair. "Remember anything?"

"No," you admit. "They won't let me leave the room and the most the doctors have told me is my name. Erwin told me more- said that I was in... scouting corps?"

"Survey Corps," he corrects. "How much did he tell you?"

"He told me about the titans, and the walls, and how one of the walls was broken down a few weeks ago," you recall, furrowing your brow as you try to remember everything. "He told me I'm from- underground? And people call me Logan."

"Fucking idiot," Levi curses lowly, taking another sip.

Your eyes widen. "What?"

"He shouldn't have told you that."

"Well, someone had to." You clench your jaw and narrow your eyes at Levi. "Considering that the one person I even somewhat recognize won't look at me."

Finally, Levi meets your gaze. His eyes are just as sharp as you remember them being the first time you saw him. "You remember me?" he says slowly, setting his tea cup down.

You shrug. "Sort of. I feel like I'm supposed to know you. You're the only one that's felt familiar."

Levi sets his jaw. "Makes sense."

His attitude is ticking you off. "So could you maybe fill me in instead of being so cryptic?" you snap, your hands tight around the cup.

"Maybe if you stop acting like such a brat," he shoots back.

"Oh, I'm a brat? I'm so sorry I woke up with no memories and kind of want to figure out who I am," you retort, glaring at him. "Sorry that's so bratty and such an inconvenience to you."

There's a pause. You angrily sip your tea, fingers clenched tight around the handle.

Levi calmly brings his cup to his lips, taking a slow sip, then sets it down again. "You've always had temper problems."

"Maybe I just have you problems," you grumble, taking another sip.

He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I'm assuming you've done word association with the useless blunderhead from earlier?" Levi asks, referencing Tanner. "He says a word, you try to associate something with it?" You give him a grudging nod. "Alright. I'm going to give you words or names. Tell me if they mean anything."

"Fine," you say shortly, still sort of peeved but too desperate for information to protest.

"Isabel."

You blink, trying to recall something. "Nope."

"Farlan."

"No."

Levi's eyes squeeze shut, then reopen. You bite your lip anxiously. Were you supposed to know them? "I'll just say words," he says. "Tea."

"Green," you reply, holding the cup a bit tighter.

"Titans."

"Walls."

"Underground."

"Damp," you say, but you're not really sure where the word comes from. Well, underground places are typically dark and damp, right? It doesn't mean anything.

"Family."

"Nothing."

"Clean."

"Freak."

You both pause. You blink several times in surprise, wondering why freak was your go-to answer. You hadn't even thought of it. Nothing new enters your brain, but it felt right to say. Levi's eyes are wide.

"Seriously?" he says dubiously.

"Is that my next word?" you ask dumbly.

"Clean freak," Levi repeats, ignoring your question. His lips twitch. "Alright. Fly."

Oh, we're still going. "Annoying," you say, thinking of the insect.

"Horse."

"Fast."

"Sky."

"Blue."

"Stars."

"Wish." You're sort of dumbstruck again. Where the hell did that come from?

"Knife," Levi says. His glare is lifting.

"Stab," you reply, feeling stupid. You resist the urge to smack yourself in the forehead.

"Stealing."

"Thief."

"Training."

"Fun." You think training is fun? Since when? Training for what? Titan killing?

"Erwin."

"Strong."

"What makes you say that? You've only met him once."

You purse your lips, thinking back to your encounter with the blond man a week ago. "He holds himself differently than Doctor Fizal or Tanner," you murmur, trying to string your thoughts together. "He talks about all of these tragedies and stories, but... he's honest. He doesn't... oh, I don't know." You shrug. "It just feels right."

"Feels right," Levi deadpans. He laces his fingers. "What about me then?"

"What I think of you?" you ask in surprise, and he raises his eyebrows in confirmation. You haven't met many people- the two men at the very beginning when you woke up, Erwin, Doctor Fizal, and Tanner- but no one's given you the same feeling Levi has. Even Erwin said it: he's important, and he's your closest friend, apparently. But you've seen him twice, and neither has been a great impression. He's sort of... well, he's... Fine then.

"You're an asshole," you say finally.

His frown doesn't falter. "Takes one to know one." Levi stands, picking up the tray with his empty tea cup, teapot, and hourglass. He holds it out, and you put your half-empty cup on the tray. Without another word, he heads towards the door, balancing the tray on one hand so that he can pull it open.

"When will you give me answers?" you ask, hating yourself for sounding sort of desperate.

Levi shoots you one last glare. "I don't know as much as you're hoping I do."

He shuts the door behind him. There's a click to indicate that it's locked. Footsteps echo down the hallway as he walks away.

You fall back onto your pillow. "Fuck you, Levi," you grumble to the ceiling.

The ceiling doesn't reply. Go figure.

But he gave you clues. A lot of them, actually. Not just the words that you associated bizarrely: clean and freak, stars and wish. But all the words he gave you have some sort of meaning. Words like titans, family, tea- sure, basic things. But he said horse. Did you like horses? Ride them? He also said training. And thief. Were you a thief of some sort? Is that how you met Levi?

You spend so long puzzling them that you have no idea when you fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some decent Levi interaction!! When I say this is a slow burn, I mean it- gotta give Levi some time to get over himself and Reader needs time to figure out what the fuck is going on lol
> 
> Thank you so much for the positive response!! I'm brand new to ao3 so I really appreciate it <3


	4. 0 - 4

It takes two more weeks for your ankle to heal, and you're beginning to wonder if you know how to pick locks, because being confined to one room all day is frustrating as hell.

The other option you considered is knocking out Tanner and escaping, but you don't want this to be considered an 'escape'. You're not a prisoner. You're just in isolation because you "need time to heal and can't have anything like the overwhelming sensations of the outside interrupt your path to recovery" as Doctor Fizal so eloquently puts it. One of these day you're going to punch that woman in the face and feel absolutely no remorse about it.

You just want to wander halls. Explore. Maybe see what the city looks like. Is that too much to ask?

Tanner changes from morning visits to evening visits, and he eventually trusts you enough to hold a quill. He gives you his utensil and a book for a hard surface and asks you to draw- anything you want, whatever comes to mind. For whatever reason, you start sketching tea cups. There's something about Levi's visit that's still bothering you.

"Tea?" Tanner asks, studying your page. "Any significance?"

You shrug. "Levi brought me tea."

His face pales. Apparently, he remembers Levi quite vividly. "I- I see. Any significant memories with that? Were you a tea drinker?"

You shrug again, dipping your quill in ink. "Who knows?" you mutter. "No one seems overly inclined to tell me anything."

Tanner shifts nervously. "Well, we're trying to let you form the memories on your own. If we try to force your opinions and similar onto you, it might impact your healing, especially if you recover any memories that contradict what you've been told."

It makes sense, but you don't like it. "That's stupid," you grumble.

"You say that about a lot of things."

"So I'm a pessimist," you muse to yourself. You glance up at Tanner. "You concluded anything about me in the four weeks you've kept me in here? I'd like to hope you have."

"A few things," he confirms. "May I?"

He's holding out his hand, so you hand back the quill, the paper you were doodling on, and the hard book that you were using as a surface. "When will you let me out?"

"When Doctor Fizal clears you," Tanner replies.

"You say that every time."

He shrugs. "Well, it's true. Anyways..." He pulls his stack of paper from the nearby cupboard that he left it on. "We're trying to leave you to- well, you know, develop as much as you can by yourself," Tanner says, and you roll your eyes because you've heard that so many times. "Once your ankle is cleared, we- we'll check out how your eye is healing, and then you'll be good to leave as you want- with exceptions, of course-"

The door shoves open, and you straighten up when you see Levi. He's got a hangar with a black jacket hanging over it. He raises an irritated eyebrow at Tanner. "You're still here?"

"Well- well, it's her evening check up," Tanner says uncertainly. "Still."

Levi clicks his tongue in irritation. You shoot him a half-hearted glare. It's the first time you've seen him since he brought you tea two weeks ago. "This is yours," he says, holding out the jacket. He walks over to the side of your room and hooks the hangar onto the chair. "Thought you should have it."

You perk up. "Pass it," you urge, holding out your hands.

He pulls it off the hangar and hands it to you. You cradle the fabric into your chest. It's a nice coat- soft, warm material with a firm outer layer. It smells nice. "You wore this everywhere," Levi says, backing away.

"Thanks," you murmur.

He turns his gaze sideways at Tanner. "So you've told her?"

"I was about to," he defends.

"Tell me what?" you ask.

Levi turns back to you. "That you're staying here."

You stiffen, twisting your fingers into the fabric of the jacket that apparently belongs to you. "What? But I thought-"

"You don't have anywhere else to go," he says, cutting you off, and you pause. What's he talking about? "No one knows if you have family. You're not rejoining the scouts. You've got nowhere else to stay. Erwin arranged for you to stay in the hospital room as long as there's availability."

Tanner gulps. "What he said."

"Oh," you say lowly. Unfortunately, that makes sense.

There's an uncomfortable silence that follows. Levi starts towards the door. You don't try to stop him this time; no matter what you say, he's not going to give you anything useful. But at the last second, he pauses, his hand on the doorknob. Tanner stands up with his papers, ready to make his leave. Levi opens the door for him and the assistant skitters out without a look back.

Before he leaves, Levi turns back to you. "You've got a scar," he says. "On your right side, just above your hip."

You drop your jacket like a stone into your lap and shove down the sheet that's covering you. You grab the edge of the shirt you're wearing and pull it up to your midsection. Yes, you'd taken a look at yourself since you'd woken up, but you had dozens of scars everywhere. This one you remember. It's an angry red slit angled over your hip, in line with your naval. "You know how I got it?" you ask eagerly.

Levi nods. "Yeah."

"How?"

"I stabbed you."

You blink. "You what?"

With one last look, Levi closes the door, leaving you alone in your room. "Levi!" you yell in frustration, swinging your legs over the bed. You stand up shakily and step towards the door, using the bed for support. Your ankle feels fine, so you put a bit of extra weight on it as you lunge for the door.

You pull the knob. Locked.

How can that asshole just leave you with that?

You slam a fist on the door. "Levi!" you shout angrily. No response, no footsteps. That fucking asshole. You hit the door one more time, gritting your teeth. "Asshole," you snarl, but the venom is dripping out of you. You don't feel angry anymore- just upset. "Asshole," you mutter again, and your hands drop away from the door. 

You pad back to your bed, fuming, and seize your jacket again. It's a nice coat- good to know you had a sense of style- and it has a few zippered pockets. Curiously, you start digging through.

The outer pockets reveal a few elastic bands, maybe for tying up hair, and a few folded up napkins. There's one secret pocket in the lining of the jacket, so small that you nearly miss it. You unzip it and pull out a charm hanging on a cord. It's a necklace.

"What the heck," you mutter, holding up the pendant. It looks like a triangle framed by a circle.

It doesn't cause any new memories to appear, nor do you recognize it from anything, so you slide it back into its pocket and keep exploring. The last pocket you go through is the most promising: there's two metal rods with weird hook patterns on the end. Frowning, you hold them up, turning them over in your hands. What were these for?

Something from Levi's first visit comes back to you. Thief. One of his words had been thief.

Your head snaps up to the door. You stumble back towards the door, hands practically vibrating in excitement. Were these tools to pick a lock? That seems like a common tool for thieves, right? You lean down towards the lock, looking from your tools to the doorknob.

...How do you do this?

With a sigh, you set your tools inside the lock and let your eyes flutter shut. Maybe your autopilot can figure this out. One of the things Tanner yammers on about is skills, you muse to yourself as you hands aimlessly fiddle with the tools. Skills aren't supposed to leave you, but you forget how you learned them or who taught you. So it's probable that you're just as skilled as before, which would be nice if you knew what you were skilled at-

There's a click.

"No way," you whisper. Hesitantly, you take the knob and turn it. It opens.

You stifle a triumphant laugh. You did it! You picked a lock. Holy shit, you picked a lock. Did Levi know? Did he know your tools were in your jacket and did he think you'd manage to get out? Head spinning, you head back over to your bed and slide on the hospital slippers, then pull your coat over your shoulders. You tuck the tools back into your pocket and zip it shut.

Carefully, you pull the door open and peer into the hall. There's a window to your left, but it's about as useless as the window in your hospital room: no way of being opened and the only thing it shows is the side of another building. You can see how dark it is outside, at the very least. Where can you go?

Quietly, you tiptoe down the hallway, listening for other footsteps. You pass the bathroom and continue on, trying to figure out if you're excited or nervous. "Where to?" you murmur, fingers resting lightly on the walls.

You turn a corner and see another window. Excited, you lightly jog over to see if the view on this side of the building is any better.

It is. Oh, is it ever.

Buildings, much smaller than the one you're in now, stretch out across the landscape. It looks like you're on the second floor, which gives you a great vantage point over top of the other houses. The streets are lit with lanterns, and you see a few people wandering around. Far off in the distance is a wall, and it's much bigger than what you imagined. When you heard that your area was surrounded by walls, you hadn't imagined them to be so high.

But the best part is the sky. It's clear and dotted with tiny stars, scattered across in a seemingly random formation. It's beautiful.

You're possessed with a sudden urge to go up to the roof. You prod the edge of the window. Can this one open? Yes it can, you realize with glee, but it's locked. You unzip your pocket again and pull out your tools, then let your hands do the work. It seems to work better when you shut your eyes, so you let your eyelids flutter close.

Sure enough, you can feel the second the lock opens. "Hell yes," you whisper to yourself, tucking your tools back into your pocket. You push the window open. It's big enough for you to get out of.

You turn with your back to the window and stick your head out. How tall is the building? You beam when you realize it's only two floors. You reach your hands up for a ridge and pull yourself up so that you're sitting on the windowsill, most of your body hanging out of the building. The cold night air is more refreshing than it is nasty; you'd take being cold in a heartbeat if it meant you could get up on the roof.

"You're supposed to be in your room."

You initially freeze up, but you recognize the voice. "Then you shouldn't have given me my jacket," you say without looking inside.

There's a scoff. "What do you think you're doing?"

Finally, you duck your head back into the window, keeping a tight grip on the outside ridge. Levi is glaring at you, arms crossed. He's still wearing the black pants and grey jacket from earlier when he stopped by your room. "I'm going up to the roof," you say confidently.

Levi stays quiet for a minute, studying you. Then, he sighs. "There's easier ways, dumbass."

"I don't care," you say stubbornly, putting yourself back out the window. You bring your feet up to the window ledge, wishing you had better footwear than some flimsy slippers that don't even fit you properly. You shove yourself up, then glare up at the roof. This may be harder than you thought.

"You idiot. Move over."

Frowning, you slide sideways, and Levi squeezes out of the window next to you. He swings himself up onto the roof like he's done it a dozen times before, and you can't help but let your jaw slip open in surprise. He holds out a hand, and after shooting him an annoyed scowl, you mimic his movements and get yourself onto the roof. You're not quite as elegant as him, but you get up nonetheless.

Levi rolls his eyes. "Stubborn brat."

You ignore him and walk up to the top of the roof, gaping at the view. Behind you is the wall, but in front of you now is an endless amount of houses, shops, and other larger structures. It's incredible. You sit yourself down and turn up to the stars. They're even more beautiful than they were from inside. "Wow," you whisper, unable to stop the smile from stretching across your face.

You glance at Levi, but he's staring at you. "What?" you say with a raised eyebrow.

He doesn't reply. He walks up the roof until he's at the same level as you and sits down, several feet away. You pull your jacket tighter around your shoulders, shivering. Levi looks up at the stars, lips pinched together. "What do you think?" he muses.

You think for a moment. "It's cold," you reply honestly.

"I can't control the weather," he shoots back.

"I'm in this stupid hospital get up, cut me a break." You both sit in silence, surveying the stars. One particularly bright one seems to blink at you. "You knew I'd pick the lock," you say eventually.

Levi doesn't say anything.

"That's why you gave me the jacket," you continue, frowning. "To see if I'd figure it out."

When he finally speaks up, his voice is quiet. "There wasn't a place you couldn't get into," Levi says.

"So I was a thief?"

"Of sorts."

"You're not very helpful," you mutter, turning back up to the sky.

Levi scoffs, but he starts talking again, so you stay quiet. "We met underground," he says, and you recall your conversation with Erwin a month ago where he talked about how he recruited the both of you from underground. "Two years ago."

"And you stabbed me," you say.

"You took something I needed for a job," Levi says casually. "And you were harder to deal with than I anticipated." He tugs down the collar of the black shirt he's wearing, and you see a slash across his collar bone. "You gave me this."

For some reason, you feel awfully pleased with yourself. "Oh." Your smug smile eventually drops. "Erwin said we were friends, though."

Levi snorts. "I tolerated you at best."

There's another moment of silence. The frustration that's been gradually building up in you since you first met Levi is what pushes you to ask, "why won't you help me remember?" When he doesn't reply, you cross your arms. "Is there- is there something you don't want me to know? Something personal?"

"I want you to remember," he says. "I don't know as much as you think I do."

"You've known me for at least two years," you urge, twisting so that you can face him. His head is still tipped up to the sky. "That's more than anyone else I've met. You're my best option. Look, I get it, it might be annoying but-"

"You don't," Levi snaps, cocking his head to look at you. "You don't get it."

You furrow your eyebrows. What the hell does he even mean by that? "Levi, I woke up with nothing," you say desperately, "and you're the only one that seems to know anything about me. I get it, it's awful."

He glares. "No, you don't."

"Fine! What don't I get?" you snap.

"You were dead!" Levi retorts, pushing himself up to his feet. You don't stand, instead choosing to glare up at him. "All three of you," he berates angrily, hands clenched into fists, "were dead! And it was my-"

He growls, cutting himself off. Levi rakes a hand through his hair, frustrated. "I'm not dead-" you start.

"You may as well be!" he hisses, and your blood runs cold.

The silence that follows is hollow and threatens to suffocate you. You twist your fingers into your shirt, torn between being angry and being upset. You'd never really considered how Levi was feeling. You'd assumed he'd be happy: he thought you were dead, you were in a coma, and you eventually woke up. Even with no memories, that ought to be better than nothing... right?

Maybe not. Your heart sinks in your chest. You try to imagine being friends- sorry, acquaintances- with someone for a few years and then seeing them lose all of their memories, but it's sort of hard to think of when you have no close friends to imagine that sort of scenario with. 

It feels like Levi is blaming you, though- blaming you for something you had no control over. "It's not my fault I have amnesia," you say with a glare.

"No, it's mine," Levi shoots back.

"What, did you hit me over the head?" you argue, pinching yourself in the arm as a reminder to control your temper. He doesn't reply, so you assume the answer's a no. "Then it's not your fault. I'll get my memories back-"

"Have you?" he says bitterly, his hands dropping by his sides. "Have you gotten any yet?"

You purse your lips, choosing not to reply.

That's answer enough for him. Levi walks back down the roof, and without so much of a glance back at you, swings over the edge of the roof and out of sight. Presumably, he's headed back inside.

You sit outside under the stars for another ten minutes before you go back to your room, head spinning and heart sinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a couple chapters already prepped, so I'm going to do my best to update twice a week for the time being. I'm currently working full-time and part-time so this is subject to change, aha. Life, am I right?
> 
> This is definitely going to be a slow build up, but I'm trying to make sure Levi has a cameo in every single chapter, because well, it's Levi. That's the whole point of the story. I'm also trying to work out a backstory for the Reader but it's currently coming out super messy, so who knows at this point.
> 
> Love you all. Thank you for your support so far. Means the world. <3


	5. 0 - 5

Two weeks later, Doctor Fizal checks up on your eye.

You've been going off of one eye ever since you woke up. You'd assumed that your eye had been damaged beyond repair and you'd be forced to wear an eye patch or something for the rest of your life, so you were taken aback when she told you that she was just giving it sufficient time to heal.

"I'll be able to see?" you say in surprise as her hands loosen the bandages round your head.

"Most likely not completely," Doctor Fizal says. She continues to pull bandages from your head. "Best case scenario, fuzzy shapes and outlines. Maybe color. But these sorts of injuries are very delicate and take time to heal."

You can't help but fidget in excitement when she pulls away the rest of the bandages, leaving a white patch over your eye. She pulls it away, but you keep your eye closed. "Can I open it?" you murmur.

"Cover your other eye," she instructs, so you shut your other eye and cover it with your hand. "Alright. Now open."

You open your eye and slump in defeat.

Maybe it was too much to hope for vision: all you can see is black. You blink slowly. "Give it a few seconds," Doctor Fizal murmurs. "It'll take some time."

So you wait. You blink a bit more, waiting to see if your vision clears up. To your absolute delight, some of the black starts to fade away for grey. "I can see shapes," you say excitedly, and you can hear Doctor Fizal scribbling something down on her paper. "Like- like outlines. It's all black and grey, but I can- I can see you. Sort of."

"Wonderful," she says smoothly. "Any pain?"

"Not really," you murmur, blinking again.

"Good. Try opening both eyes now."

You try, and the wave of nausea that strikes your brain is overwhelming. You shut your good eye almost immediately, wincing. "Ow," you grumble, blinking. The black and grey blobs in your line of vision are now different shades of red and orange. "Not doing that again."

"This is good," she assures you. "Any sight is better than no sight. We'll fit you with an eye patch and you can try letting your eye adjust every day to check for progress."

And so you do. Every chance you get when no one's around, you unwind your bandages, remove your patch, cover one eye, and look around with the other. Eventually, the fuzzy outlines become sharper. There's no color yet, but you can see the edges of your bed, the chairs, and the tables at the side of the room.

Sometimes it hurts. When the light is too bright or you keep your eye open too long, it feels like something is pinching at the back of your eye. But the more you try, the longer you can keep it open.

Doctor Fizal has just dropped off your eye patch on a rainy day when a new visitor appears.

The new person is tall- but it feels like everyone is, compared to Levi- and has brown hair pulled up in a ponytail on their head. They're wearing the survey corps uniform that you've seen Levi wear once and have a pair of glasses balanced on their nose; it looks like they'd fall off with a gust of wind.

"Hi?" you say with a frown.

They wave. "Hi! Nice to meet you! Well, nice to meet you again, I guess."

Your heart sinks: another person you've forgotten that knew you. "Sorry, I don't know-" you start.

They wave you off, moving into your room and sitting in one of the chairs beside your bed. "We only met once," they say brightly. "But it was such a great connection that I was hoping we'd become friends! Sorry it took so long for me to come see you, Commander Erwin said to limit your visits so you don't get overwhelmed."

"Oh." They're like a whirlwind. "Nice to meet you too."

"I'm Hange Zoe," they say, sticking out their hand. You shake. "It's great to meet you again." Their eyes zero in on the eye patch that the doctor left on the side table. "Cool, is that an eye patch? Do you have to wear it?"

"Yeah," you say with a sigh. "It's way too painful to open both eyes and I don't want to wear bandages everywhere I go."

"Cool!" Hange says enthusiastically, picking it up. "How's your eye now? Better? Worse? I heard about your accident. Can't believe you survived, honestly. Impressive! Right in a titan's hand! How was it?"

You blink. "In a titan's hand?"

They pause. "Oh, you didn't know? Oh wait! Amnesia. Right. You don't remember."

"I was in a titan's hand?" you repeat, still trying to wrap your head around it.

Hange nods. "Yeah! I never saw what went down, but when we were recovering the bodies- gruesome stuff- we found out you were alive and we had to pry you out of a titan's hand."

This is the most information you've gotten about your accident and you're drinking in every word that Hange is putting down. "Really?" you whisper.

"I can't believe no one told you. Cool stuff! It was evaporating, which made it easier-"

"Evaporating?"

Hange's eyes widen. "Wait- you don't know anything about titans?"

"I didn't know what they were until Erwin explained it," you confess.

Their glasses shine, which is weird because it's raining outside and there's no sun. "A tragedy," Hange says breathlessly, grabbing your hand. You nearly flinch. "Titans are some of the most fascinating creatures to ever walk this planet!"

"Don't they kill people?" you say in confusion.

"Minor details." Hange's eyes widen. "Can I tell you about the titans? And everything we know about them?"

You wish you had known that "sure" was the wrong answer.

.

Levi brings you tea out of nowhere one day.

You haven't seen him since your argument on the roof. Not that you'd been avoiding him, but every other time you'd snuck out of your room to look at the stars, Levi had been nowhere to be found. Well, you wouldn't have been expecting him to hang around a hospital at night anyways.

He doesn't say a word the entire time. He simply sets the tray down, pours you tea out of a pot, and pours himself some. You reach out to the tray and take the tea, watching how Levi once again holds his cup from the rim.

You both drink tea in silence until you ask, "what kind?"

"Ginseng." Levi raises an eyebrow at you. "You like it?"

You nod. "I do."

Levi hums in reply.

And then the tea is done, and you put your cup on the tray, and Levi's already out the door with his tray before you can even figure out how to thank him.

.

Your eyesight gradually gets better.

You've become so accustomed to the eye patch that you rarely remove it, except on times when Doctor Fizal comes to check on you. Another week or so later, and the black-grey blobs start becoming sharper. Sometimes it feels like the outlines have a yellow tinge, and Fizal tells you that it's possible you could see colour again. Apparently, if you'd gotten anything in your eye, it'd be a lost cause. Because it was just a scrape, there were chances of healing.

Your ankle has healed perfectly. You tried running down the hallway, much to Tanner's chagrin, but it had felt so nice to be running that you had only laughed. The only thing left to heal, besides your eye, is your brain. No memories have returned to you, and it's hard to stay optimistic.

When the doctor proposes a meeting with Erwin to suggest the next course of action, you agree. Erwin had been the one to recruit you for the scouts from the underground; in a way, you were his problem. Or, at the very least, he had a say in what you were doing.

Tanner brings you to a small room with a table in the center. Doctor Fizal is in the seat at the head of the table. Erwin is on her left side, facing the door, and you straighten up when you see Levi. "What..." you trail off, 'what's he doing here' dying on your tongue.

"Take a seat," Erwin says, gesturing to the open side of the table. Tanner takes the seat next to Fizal and you take the one next to him, directly across from Levi. He meets your eyes with a cold glare, and you frown in return.

"So it's been about," Doctor Fizal scans her sheet, "six months since your accident and four since you woke up."

"And about two weeks since you've been cleared," Tanner adds helpfully, like you haven't been counting down the days.

She shoots him a look, then looks back to the other residents of the table. Levi is sitting with his arms crossed, eyes fixed on Erwin, who is surveying everyone with no expression on his face. You pinch your lips together. These four people are the ones determining your fate, and you're not sure how you feel about that.

"We've had exactly two accident-related amnesia victims in our records," the doctor continues. You straighten up- you haven't heard this before. "Although a lot of our elderly tend to lose some of their memories as they grow older. However, I'm considering two incidents that I had Tanner dig up." She turns to her assistant. "Tanner?"

He smiles and glances at you. "One was twenty-six year old Karim Hanssen," he says. "Horsing around with friends and hit- uh, he hit his head falling down stairs. Lost four- maybe five years of his life."

You involuntarily wince.

"And the other was Andres... Castello, Andres Castello. He actually lost his memory twice," Tanner continues, almost sounding excited. "Once when he was sixteen- took a hard fall- and again when he was in his fifties. But that time, there was no recorded accident. Paperwork probably missing. Funny enough, his father..." he trails off, scanning through the paper, "Perry Castello, lost his memory when he was in his thirties- again, no paperwork, so no record of an accident, just listed in his family files. His son was... his son was five at the time."

Fizal shoots him a glance, and he shrugs. "Well, there's a couple of general amnesia cases with no injury cause- or at least, no remembrance of the injury. Like..." he rifles through his papers. "Perry Castello, Grisha Jeager, Timo Zienne. Just a few."

You're wondering why they're telling you this, but Doctor Fizal continues on. "Our only lead was Mister Hanssen, and even then, he didn't lose everything like you did."

"Did he get his memories back?"

"Not exactly. But he managed to settle into normal life again. His reports say that things felt familiar and he was able to get back to work."

Well, that's promising, you grumble to yourself.

Levi's eyes turn to you, and you realize you accidentally said that out loud. "So what can I do?" you ask, fighting the blush that's rising to your cheeks from embarrassment.

"The best thing to do would be to get you back into your old routine. Let you figure things out for yourself," she replies.

"Old routine," you repeat, feeling slightly more hopeful. "Like, with the scouts?"

"You had about two days of training and one expedition," Erwin says. "I hardly believe that counts as a routine." He glances sideways. "Levi? You spent a few years with her."

Levi's eyebrows lift slightly. "No way in hell. She's not going back down there."

By there, you're pretty sure he means the underground. You gnaw at your own lip, willing yourself to stay silent. "Well, maybe she- maybe she can continue that routine up here," Tanner suggests mildly.

"You don't want her to do that," he returns. "Unless you want to lose that watch."

Tanner's hand jerks off of the table and into his lap and you can't help but laugh. "They were criminals in the underground," Erwin says, lips twitching in amusement at your laugh. "And they've been pardoned as part of their deal for joining the Survey Corps. I hardly think it's wise to return her to that way of life."

"I wouldn't mind," you say with a straight face, and Tanner's face gets even paler.

"Do you remember anything from what you were like underground?" Doctor Fizal asks carefully.

You shrug, thinking of the tools in your jacket pocket. "I've gathered that I used to be a thief," you say, eyes flitting briefly to Levi. "And apparently a pretty good one."

"Have you- have you stolen anything?" Tanner asks quickly. "Like, impulsively?"

You shake your head. "No."

"She's been picking locks," Levi says.

Snitch. You shoot him the dirtiest glare you can muster, and Doctor Fizal leans in. "Have you been picking locks?" the doctor says, her voice more intrigued than upset. You nod slowly. "How do you do it?"

The tools in your pocket feel ridiculously heavy, but Levi hasn't said anything about them, so you decide not to bring them up. "Well, I don't know," you say honestly with a shrug. "I just... well, I just do it. If I think about it too much, then it doesn't work, so I just kind of shut my eyes."

"You can pick locks with your eyes closed?" Tanner murmurs. "Impressive."

Fizal shoots him a sharp look. "We're not encouraging this behavior," she warns, "but it is a good sign that you're picking up some of your old skills. I believe it's best to settle you down into a proper routine now that you're healed- well, as healed as you can be," she adds, gesturing to your eye. You're about to suggest rejoining the scouts when she says, "in a low stress environment. Perhaps we can figure out a way to contact your family."

You roll your eyes. "Good luck with that."

"No one had family underground," Levi adds, and your shoulders relax a bit knowing that he's backing you up.

"I can just rejoin the Survey Corps," you suggest.

"No," Levi and Doctor Fizal say at the same time.

So much for the back up from Levi. Your jaw tightens. "Well, if you said my skills can get picked up again, just let me try."

"Like hell," Levi says, his glare drilling holes into your skull.

"Levi is right," the doctor says patiently. "Karim Hanssen was known to have migraines and constant headaches, especially when he felt he was on the cusp of remembering something. It's not a wise move to have you out there."

"But what if that helps me remember something?" you plead. "It's worth a shot."

Levi's glare doesn't waver. "Don't be stupid."

"Actually, she has a point."

Your lord and savior appears in the form of Erwin Smith, who's eyeing you like you're a puzzle that needs to be solved. You resist the urge to cheer aloud and hug him. "You're joking," Levi says flatly. "There's no fucking way-"

"If familiar routine may help trigger some memories," the blond man says firmly, "then wouldn't that be incentive to repeat some of her last steps? Surely the easiest memories to recover are going to be her most recent ones."

"What he said," you say, crossing your arms. "I don't want people to fill me in- I want to remember it myself."

Levi clicks his tongue in irritation. "You're not putting her in gear," he snaps, "and it's suicide to put someone outside the walls without it."

"I can use gear," you protest, having no idea what the word 'gear' actually refers to.

"That's the problem," he says, turning his glare back on you. "You'd probably try to test it out and you'd get yourself killed. You can't be left on your own."

You want to argue that you're not a little kid, but Erwin steps in again. "I agree that giving her ODM gear is perhaps too risky," he says, and Levi's shoulders relax slightly. "However, if she was put in your care the entire time, I'm sure no harm would come to her."

Levi grits his teeth. "I'm no fucking babysitter."

"Our next mission is only one of surveillance," Erwin says, looking at Doctor Fizal. "We've been scouting out a large forest patch that we have yet to look through. It will not be a mission of killing titans but instead one of discovery. With our new flare system, we're planning on avoiding as many titans as possible. Plus," he adds, looking at a frustrated Levi, "I trust Levi's skills. He took down four titans on his own in the rain with heavy fog and he's done much more since then. His kill count already rivals that of our veterans. I have full faith he can protect Miss Logan from whatever, if any, threats come our way."

You want to give Erwin a hug. It's so nice to have someone on your side. "I don't advise it," Fizal says, and you go from wanting to give Erwin a hug to wanting to punch her in the face. "It's dangerous. You're not exactly known for your successes in those missions."

"I've only recently been appointed to commander," Erwin says patiently. "But progress has been made."

He doesn't say anything else. He's waiting to see what she'll say- she hasn't said no. You fidget in anticipation, waiting for her to speak.

Finally, she does. "You cannot guarantee her protection," Doctor Fizal says.

Erwin doesn't reply. He studies her.

"But," she continues, and your heart sings, "if you can guarantee she will have the best possible protection and the mission is not to engage, then I won't argue against it. I believe there's more pros than cons."

"Besides the fact that there are man-eating monsters out there," Levi retorts icily. "Are you fucking insane?"

"Are you not the one they're calling Humanity's Strongest?" Fizal replies.

"I don't give a shit what they call me."

"So you can't protect her?"

Levi falls silent. You pinch your own leg under the table to try and contain your excitement. You glance at Levi. He looks positively murderous.

"Wonderful," Erwin says smoothly. He turns to you. "We leave in three weeks."

"Thank you!" you say brightly. Doctor Fizal's face is carefully neutral, but she nods to you before she stands up. Tanner shoots you one last look that clearly say 'why the hell would anyone want to leave the walls' before trailing after Fizal.

You glance back at Levi. If looks could kill, both you and Erwin would be dead.

"Levi," Erwin says calmly, "if you have something to say, we can discuss in my office."

The sound of his chair grating against the floor as he shoves it backwards nearly makes you wince. Levi tears his eyes away and storms over to the door, throwing it open. He pauses before he leaves, eyes glued on Erwin. "You and your fucking gambles," he snaps.

The door slams shut, leaving you alone with Erwin. You glance at the blond man. "You're a gambler?" you ask timidly.

Erwin smirks. "Indeed I am."

You nod slowly, swallowing the lump in your throat, and you stand up. You head over to the door, ready to head back to your hospital room, until you hear Erwin call your name- your first name. He's never referred to you by anything other than Logan. You spin around in surprise.

"I am a gambler," he says firmly, "but this is not one. Saying this is a gamble would imply there's something I'll willing to lose."

You stare, waiting for him to say any more.

"You have exceptional talent," Erwin continues. Your heart feels like it's hammering against your ribs. "And it would be a shame to lose that skill, especially since it was my idea to recruit you. It is, perhaps, foolishly optimistic to hope that one trip outside the walls could fix everything, but it's always worth a shot."

"Tell that to Levi," you mutter.

He chuckles. "I will. Go get some rest."

You nod, shutting the door as you leave. You press your back against the door for a moment, exhaling. You're going outside the walls. You're going to go outside the walls.

Stifling a smile, you head back to your room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I normally don't update this fast. Guess I'm just excited to get this out into the world- I've been sitting on this fic for literally over a year and only now managed to gain the courage to actually post it.
> 
> All of the love is so appreciated, it means more to me than you'll ever know. <3


	6. 0 - 6

You beg for some sort of training. If they're going to let you out of the walls, you ought to at least be somewhat prepared. At least, that's what you tell your doctor.

Fizal says it's unwise, but you go to Erwin, and he agrees to get Hange to show you the basics. Hange has visited you several times in the past few months, and it feels nice to be able to build up a friendship with someone that isn't completely focused on your lack of memory.

The first thing they show you are the horses. Getting up on one is a little unnatural, and the horse doesn't seem to like you that much. Hange laughs as you swing upside in your saddle, nearly smacking your head against the ground. You tuck your chin in at the last second. "I've got- I've got a faulty saddle!" you excuse quickly.

Hange laughs. "You almost hit your head! You want more amnesia?"

"Obviously not!" you say with a scowl, trying to separate yourself from the horse.

"How would that work?" they muse. "Does the amnesia, like, multiply? Would you forget things even more than you've already forgotten them?"

"Is that even possible?" you growl under your breath. You finally manage to get your foot out of the stirrup, and you collapse in a heap to the ground. The horse neighs above you, almost in amusement. "Oh, shut up," you grumble to the horse.

Hange laughs again and offers you a hand. You let them help you to your feet, and you brush off your pants. Erwin returned your old uniform, which wasn't much: beige pants, a white collared shirt, a brown jacket, and a green cloak with the winds insignia on it. You'd left both the cloak and the jacket behind. It didn't feel right to wear them. "Don't worry," Hange says, breaking you out of your thoughts. "You'll be riding tandem with Levi, so he'll take care of most of the work. All you have to do is hold on."

You sigh, looking back at the horse. "No, it's fine," you say firmly. "I want to do this."

"Alright," they say with a sigh as you start attempting to get back up on your horse. "Yeah, you've got it. Like that. Yep, put your foot there- you've got it! Nice, Logan!" Hange calls as you hastily takes the reins of the horse, eager not to fall off again. "Yeah, nice and gentle, just take her forward- oh, crap!"

The horse neighs and rears back. Somehow, you manage to stay on, your hands twisting into the reins and the horse's mane. "Holy shit!" you cry as the horse gallops forward.

You don't manage to hold on for much longer. The horse turns so sharply that you fall sideways. Determined not to get tangled in the saddle again, you manage to slip your feet out of the stirrups and let yourself fall off. The grass does little to break your fall, but it doesn't hurt much. Maybe you're used to falling down a lot.

"It's progress!" Hange shouts.

Your horse trots back to the barn, looking awfully damn proud of itself.

"Yeah," you scowl through gritted teeth. "Progress."

.

Your weeks before the expedition are consumed with learning how to ride that stupid horse, learning the Survey Corps formations from either Hange or Erwin, and the basics of titans with Hange. So, surprisingly, your unsuccessful riding lessons have been the highlight.

After several unsuccessful attempts of bonding with your horse, Hange introduces you to Mike- only after asking if it's okay that they share your situation with him. "He's one of our best!" they say in assurance. "And I'm sure he won't care that you've got amnesia."

"Sure," you say with a shrug. Why not add to your very short list of people who you know?

When you meet Mike, he doesn't feel familiar. He's tall, with faded brown hair and a mustache, and he holds himself with the dignity of a soldier. He's wearing the full Survey Corps uniform- pants, boots, shirt, jacket- but somehow he feels more professional than Hange, who almost looks like they're playing dress up when compared to Mike.

He eyes you. "You have no memories?" Mike asks.

You cross your arms, feeling like you need to be more presentable. "No."

He leans forward, and your first instinct is to jerk back, but you force yourself to stay still. Mike moves in almost like he wants to whisper in your ear. You stay quiet, listening, and stiffen when you hear him sniff. "What are you doing?" you ask in surprise, unable to help yourself.

"He..." Hange trails off. "He likes to sniff people when he first meets them."

He likes to... what? You're so puzzled that you don't say a word as Mike leans back, apparently content. "Still smells the same as before," he says, glancing at Hange. They shrug. "Hange says you're having trouble with your horse?"

"My horse is having trouble with me," you say immediately, shooting a withering glare at the horse. Its reins are tied to the fence post, keeping it from going anywhere. It neighs at you. "It bucks me off every time I'm on it."

"Well, if you're not nice to her, she won't be nice to you," Mike muses, heading to your horse.

"I'm nice!" you protest, shooting a glare at your horse when Mike isn't looking. "I- I feed her, I'm not hurting her, she's got water-"

"That's how you measure being nice?" he shoots back, raising an eyebrow at you. "By not causing any physical harm and providing her with basic necessities?" He almost looks disappointed. "That's just basic decency."

Your words die in your throat.

Something surfaces in your brain. Sharp pain shoots through your head and you squeeze your eyes shut. The warmth of a fire. Heat in your throat from some sort of drink. You squeeze your eyes shut, and your headache must be awful because somehow, you hear laughter.

Then a glass breaks and your eyes shoot open.

"Hey! You zoned out there."

You blink, looking up to Hange. They're staring at you with a grin, but their eyebrows are creased with worry. They ask you if you're alright, and you nod. "Fine, sorry," you say. You turn back to Mike. "Sorry. I guess I'm not that good with animals."

Mike shrugs, patting your horse's mane. "She just needs a bit more respect. Horses are prideful animals."

You nod, swallowing the lump in your throat. Slowly, you head over to your horse. Mike takes his hand away and you press yours into the side of your horse's neck, head pounding. What was that? A memory of sorts? Nothing concrete comes to mind. Sighing, you stroke your horse's mane. "Sorry," you mutter, wondering if somehow the animal would understand. "Can we try this again?"

The horse snorts as if to say, finally.

Carefully, you hook your foot into a stirrup and grab the top of the saddle, then swing yourself over. The horse stays and allows you to settle in, making sure you're balanced and set up. You lightly take the reins. "Okay, let's..." you huff. "Let's take a lap."

You squeeze with your thighs, and the horse lurches forward. You steady yourself, and as the horse picks up speed, try to remember everything Hange tried to teach you about riding. "Come on, dumbass," you whisper to yourself, and then your eyes widen, "me! I'm the dumbass. Not you, you're a smart horse."

The horse whinnies in agreement. You laugh and tug lightly to the right, and she turns.

Eventually, you make it all the way around the enclosure: a full lap. When you make it back, Hange is bouncing from foot to foot in excitement, and Mike is smirking. "You got it!" Hange whoops, hands punched in the hair. "Not bad for two weeks of work!"

You can't help but grin- their attitude is infectious. "Thanks," you say, patting your horse. "Took me way too long though. Isabel would've got it in a day, tops."

You unwind your hands from the reins and pull your boots out of the stirrups. With a bit more confidence, you swing your leg over the horse and lower yourself to the ground. Pleased with yourself, you turn back to Mike and Hange. Mike has an eyebrow raised at you and Hange's jaw has slipped open. Their eyes are wide in surprise and a bit of worry.

"What?" you say, grinning. "Didn't expect me to get off okay?"

"You- you know Isabel?" Hange asks in disbelief.

You frown. "Who?"

"You just mentioned someone named Isabel," Mike says slowly, exchanging a slow glance with Hange.

"I... I don't know an Isabel," you say, eyebrows knitting together.

"But you just said," Hange says, eyes darting from Mike and back to you. You almost shrink back- they're acting like you're crazy. "You just said Isabel would've got it in a day. Isabel is- Isabel was-"

Mike clears his throat. "Hange."

You look between the two of them, feeling uncomfortable. "I told you, I don't remember anything," you say firmly, "but I'm trying. If- if I remember an Isabel, I'll be sure to let you know. The name doesn't ring any bells. I don't know what you're talking about."

You grip your horse's reins and turn her back to the stable, brain pounding in your skull, Hange's eyes drilling holes into your head from behind you.

.

On the day of the expedition, Erwin gives you two handheld devices with grappling hooks and a harness.

"It's an early prototype of the devices that the military police use," he says patiently. Levi is waiting next to you, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "Their ODM gear is designed for maneuvering between buildings while ours is meant for killing titans, so there are some differences. The biggest one is that their hooks come from the guns they hold."

You turn them over in your hands in fascination. It's bulkier than a gun, and the hooks on the ends looks like they could skewer you through the head if you're not careful.

"It's a precaution," Erwin explains. "It would be ill-advised to have you outside of the walls completely un-equiped. This is meant as a last resort. We are headed for a forest, so all you would have to do is aim it upwards and let it pull you up into the trees. It is only to be used in stages of emergency." His eyes harden. "Is that understood?"

"Y- Yes," you stammer, clipping the handles of the gun-like objects to your belt. "Emergencies only."

Erwin glances at Levi. "She's never used it before, so there's no risk of her attempting to regain past skills. I doubt she will have to use it."

"Fine," Levi mutters.

The blond man nods curtly and looks back at you. "You'll be riding with Levi," he says. "Under no circumstances are you do anything other than observe. If you remember anything, immediately inform Levi. You will obey anything myself or Levi asks of you, with no hesitation. Is that clear?"

You nod. "Yes, sir."

"Even," Erwin says, his voice low, "if I command you to hide up in the trees and you have to watch comrades getting eaten below."

You swallow.

"Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good." Erwin smiles. "Saddle up."

You follow Levi to his horse: a black stallion around twice his size. You glance around at the other scouts. Erwin had apparently told the other squad leaders that you were accompanying them on the expedition, but not why- so it was understandable that you were getting wary glances. You fiddle with your harness. There's too many straps and things to tighten, and it's not even a Survey Corps harness- those look so much more complicated.

"Damn it," you curse, nearly cutting off the circulation in one arm as you tighten it.

"Useless," Levi comments, guiding his horse out into the formation.

You scowl, trailing after him. "I've never done this," you protest, readjusting one of the straps.

Levi groans in impatience and grabs your shoulder, then seizes your straps. "Let go," he orders, and you do. Levi makes quick work of your harness, and the proximity between the two of you sets you on edge. You try to keep track of everything he's doing so that you can do it next time. "Done," he say dully, turning away. Swallowing your nerves, you watch Levi hop up onto his horse easily and take his hand when he offers it.

You slide up behind him, and after a long internal debate, settle on wrapping your arms around his waist. "Got everything?" he asks, his eyes trained forwards.

The guns with the grappling hooks feel heavy on your waist. "Yep," you murmur.

He throws something over his shoulder, and you're hit in the face by a green cloak. "Wrong. You forgot this." It's the green Survey Corps cloak that Erwin had returned to you. It feels wrong to wear it, and Levi seems to sense your doubts because he adds, "stop worrying and put it on. We're leaving."

Hastily, you fasten up the cloak. It feels weird. You put your arms back around Levi, trying to ignore the weird intimacy between you and someone that seems to hate your guts.

Levi guides the horse in with the rest of the scouts until everyone is positioned in front of the wall- Wall Rose. It's so much taller up close, and you involuntarily tighten your grip around Levi. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. You have no idea what's out there.

"No getting cold feet now," Levi says.

You scowl. "I'm fine."

The gates open, and the horses begin to run. You squeeze your eyes shut, letting your head fill with the sound of horse hooves pounding the ground around you. You count up to ten, then open your eyes.

It's so bright. It feels like you're seeing a whole new side of the sun. The fresh outdoor air from inside the walls suddenly doesn't compare to the outside. The air is crisp, and when you inhale it's like a shock to your lungs. Your grip on Levi loosens as you lean backwards slightly, tipping your head up to the sky. The sky seems so endless, and without the walls in the way, it feels like the landscape stretches on forever.

You lean sideways slightly, looking at the horses in front of Levi. There's trees in the distance, and some smaller buildings and broken structures. It's gorgeous.

"Wow," you breath, looking back up to the sky. There's only a few clouds in the sky, and the sun feels like it's warming your skin. You let go of Levi, squeezing your thighs tighter around the horse so you don't fall off, and you spread your arms out, the wind ruffling your cloak. You laugh. "This is great," you say with another laugh, leaning backwards.

Unbeknownst to you, Levi is smirking, but he banishes it before you can see. "You did this the first time," he says.

You pull yourself forwards again, putting your arms back around Levi's waist. "What?"

"The first time we made it outside of the walls."

You smile softly to yourself. You're sure that things are going to get ugly quite shortly, but you'll enjoy being outside for the time being. 

You think about what Levi said. First time outside the walls. Whoever that woman was, you'd love to meet her. She sounds... free.

The horses ride on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next update will be on Monday! Thanks for reading! :)


	7. 0 - 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Nothing major, but a bit of a panic attack (and Levi has a unique way of helping). Just thought a warning would be nice.

Some horses veer off, heading in different directions but remaining in small packs. Levi stays behind Erwin, with Hange on your right and Mike on your left. That's good- people you know. Some of the Corps had given you weird looks when you hopped up on Levi's horse, so it's comforting being around people who know your exact situation.

You ride for maybe half an hour before you hear a shout. "Titan in the east!" Hange shouts, and you look up. There's some sort of creature that looks vaguely human lumbering towards you, its arms swinging awkwardly. It's walking like its ankles are both broken, and it's swinging a mop of black hair side to side as it jogs.

"What the..." you trail off, eyes wide. That's a titan?

"It's too close!" Hange calls. "Must be an abnormal!"

"Zach's squad has it handled!" Erwin calls, and you tighten your grip slightly around Levi. You watch, fascinated, as two people swoop up between the buildings. The titan bats at one, but the figure ducks. The second spec heads for the nape, and you can barely make out the spray of blood. The titan falls.

"Wow," you murmur.

Levi leans backwards slightly. "Remember to-"

"Tell you if I remember anything," you interrupt. "I know." You lower your voice. "And if nothing happens, I'll just make something up so this whole mission thing doesn't feel useless."

"Idiot."

The horses ride on, cantering over the plains. You're wracking your brain for memories- riding a horse, slaying titans- but nothing comes up. You purse your lips. Maybe this is a good thing. From the sounds of it, these memories might be better off not coming back.

Red flares start popping up ahead of you. That should mean titans ahead. Erwin pulls out a flare gun and shoots a green flare off to the left, and Levi slowly leans his horse left. The group rides on for another half hour, but you don't run into any titans. This was the strategy Erwin had talked about; avoiding rather than engaging unless necessary.

Another half hour in silence goes by, the wind messing up your hair beyond quick repair, but a giant forest eventually appears over the hill. "Is that where we're going?" you ask Levi.

He nods in reply. "Hold on tight."

"Why?"

"We're going up into the trees."

"I can do it," you say, thinking of the gear Erwin gave you.

Levi's tone is sharp and leaves no room for discussion. "That's a last resort option and you're only to use it in case of emergencies. It'd be suicide to be out here without it. You don't have practice and counting on suppressed memories doesn't count as experience."

You frown. "But I can-"

"No. Non-negotiable."

You purse your lips so that you don't say anything else. It's frustrating, but you can't push your luck.

Levi starts speaking again, but he's a bit quieter and less sharp than before. "The last thing we need right now is you getting injured trying to use gear. Remember what the deal was. You obey everything Erwin and I tell you to, no hesitation."

"Fine," you grumble, shifting your grip around his waist. "Sorry."

You enter the trees behind another group. You keep your eyes up, looking up at the high branches. "This is perfect for you guys," you murmur, thinking about the Survey Corps flying around with their gear. "Plenty of trees for hooks and high branches."

"You better not be afraid of heights," Levi warns.

"I guess I'll find out," you mutter.

You pass some members from the front squad dealing with a titan that was wandering through the trees. A short one- maybe three or four meters- and with all of the trees for protection and maneuvering, they defeat it easily. The final kill looks so... so graceful.

Finally, the horses make way into a clearing. Erwin calls out orders to the groups in front, and the Survey Corps begin tying off their horses and heading up into the trees. They all spread out, heading off in pairs in various directions. They're surveying the area. It's well organized and it just makes you want to become a scout even more.

You swing yourself off the horse and Levi hops down off the other side, takes the horse's reins and tying him off with the rest of them. You glare up at the tree above you, the grappling hooks on your hips suddenly extra heavy. You could probably-

"No. Don't even think about it."

"I was just thinking about it," you say with a scowl, crossing your arms. "I wasn't going to do it."

Levi raises an eyebrow at you like he doesn't believe you, then glances back at Erwin. Erwin, still giving orders to the last Survey Corps that are joining them in the forest, nods. Levi turns back to you. "Hold on."

"Hold on how?" you say, suddenly nervous for the proximity. Being on a horse with your arms around his waist had been daunting but manageable. Now?...

"Tight," is his response. "On my back."

You move behind him, and instead of grabbing around his waist, you hook your arms around his shoulders. As soon as you've got a grip, Levi shoots up with no warning, and you cry out in surprise. "Holy shit!" you exclaim as he shoots through the air, sailing clear over one branch and through the trees. Your grip tightens involuntarily. "Oh, holy _shit!"_

Levi lands on a thick branch, coming to an abrupt stop, and you nearly stumble. "You're going to choke me out," he complains, glaring at you.

"A bit of a warning would be great," you snap back, carefully extracting your arms from him and stepping out onto the branch. Levi's flown a bit away from the rest of the corps, although you can still see Erwin clearly- yep, he's watching you. Great. You look down and are surprised that you don't immediately stagger. You're pretty high up, but the branch is so thick you could lay down on it and you'd be in no danger of falling. "Huh," you say.

"No fear of heights, then," Levi says.

You frown. "You knew that, though. Didn't you?"

He doesn't reply- as per usual. You sigh to yourself, looking through the trees. You sort of like being high up. It makes you feel separated from the world. Your gaze drifts and you squint at the vast forest in front of you. Is that something coming towards you? "Titan?" you ask.

Levi follows your gaze. There's a titan not as big as the first one you saw but bigger than the other one you saw in the forest. "Yeah," he says with a small sigh. "I got it."

"Permission to use my gear if you're getting eaten?" you say sarcastically.

He shoots you a glare. "No."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"You and Erwin are ridiculous," you say with a scowl, crossing your arms. "What if I fall?"

"You won't," Levi says sharply, his eyebrows furrowing. You're wondering if he's saying that for reassurance or if he just knows you won't fall- maybe you've got impeccable balance?- when he adds, "I won't let you."

You're half tempted to just jump off the branch and make him follow through with that. "Fine," you mutter. "Go kill your stupid titan."

"I was going to until you started yammering," Levi says, eyeing the titan.

You snort. "I'm not stopping you. Don't make me kill it myself."

Levi shoots you a withering glare (which you pointedly ignore) and casually steps off of the branch, letting himself fall. You watch him, studying his mannerisms as he shoots one of his hooks into the trunk of the tree you're standing and swings to the trunk, standing sideways.

The titan, which has been slowly lumbering in your general direction, starts jogging towards Levi. _God, these things look so weird when they run._ You're wondering what Levi's plan is until he rockets upward right as the titan lunges. Your eyes go from low to high as you follow Levi's movements- he's up above you now. He flies to the tree across from you, presumably to get an easy strike at the nape.

You look down again. Would the titan spin to follow Levi? What would he do then? Despite the Survey Corps being so dangerous and titan killing being one of the easiest ways to get yourself killed, you're not worried for Levi. Your gaze fixes on the titan below you.

It's not looking at Levi. It's stopped and has its head tilted back, beady black eyes fixed on you. You look down curiously, wondering why it's so interested in you.

Even when Levi swoops in, it never keeps its eyes off of you. How weird. It feels like it's looking into your soul...

A blurry memory strikes you.

_It's smiling up at you, wide dark eyes boring into your soul. Ah. So it's going to drop you into its mouth, then._

Your brain screams like something just exploded in your head. You cry out, bringing your hands up to your forehead, which feels like someone is trying to split it open with a hammer. Your eyes squeeze shut, but all you can see is a titan staring up at you, its jaw open- you're in its _hand_ -

You sink down on the branch, somewhat conscious of the space around you, and use the trunk to sit yourself down. You press your back into the wood and curl your knees up to your chest, pressing your fingers into your head. It hurts, oh god, it hurts like hell. Tears are gathering in your eyes and the ringing in your head is so loud that you scrape your nails at your scalp in a feeble attempt to get rid of it.

"Hey!"

There's a sharp sting against your cheek and your eyes shoot open in surprise.

"Idiot, calm down," someone says, and you feel a hand seize the front of your cloak. You desperately blink the tears out of your eyes, trying to refocus. "You're fine," the voice says plainly, and as your vision clears, you realize it's Levi. "Breathe."

 _Easier said than done._ Admittedly, your migraine is subsiding, so you try to force some air into your lungs. Looking down shows a dead titan, the smoke from its corpse billowing up into the trees. Looking up shows Levi, his hand tangled in the front of your cloak. He's crouched in front of you, eyeing you warily.

The ringing dies down, and as it does, your eyes widen. Did he slap you?

He must see the anger in your eyes because he says, "you were hyperventilating. Calm down and tell me what you remember."

You're still a bit miffed that his method of pulling you away from a panic attack was to hit you, but you bite your lip and inhale slowly, trying to relax. You think back to the titan below the tree and how close it was, then the flash of what you assume is a memory... wait.

Something clicks in your head, and your jaw drops. "You did that on purpose!" you snap, and in frustration, you whip a hand out and smack Levi across the cheek.

His head doesn't even budge. Levi blinks, surprised but not hurt, and he lets go of your cloak. "What?"

"You- You let that titan get close on purpose," you stammer, trying to put your thoughts together. "Because you- you _knew_ it would trigger something! You could've killed that earlier but you let it get close so that I could- so that I could see it from that angle..."

"I didn't know," he says calmly.

"But you guessed, asshole," you retort, using the tree trunk to push yourself to your feet. Levi stands up with you, taking a step back. "So you- if you knew that would trigger something, then you were- you were there! You could've told me instead of dragged a titan under the tree and then-"

"I thought you wanted to remember things yourself," Levi snaps.

You bite your tongue, hating him for throwing your argument back in your face but having nowhere to go from there. You deflate, letting your shoulders relax. "Hange said I was in a titan's hand. I was going to get eaten, wasn't I?" you say dully, glancing down at the corpse. "Did you save me?"

You can feel Levi staring at you but you refuse to look up. "Not entirely," he mutters.

 _Not entirely._ "That's where I got injured, then?" you reply bitterly.

"I chopped its wrist off and you fell. You hit your head off of a _fucking_ rock," Levi snaps angrily, nearly making you flinch from the sudden ferocity in his tone, "and it took your eye along with it. I didn't-" he stops himself, swallowing hard. "I had to save two people. I had to hope you'd be okay from the drop so I could have a chance to save the other one."

He's apologizing, in a weird sort of way. Why he couldn't have found a better way to save you.

"There's no excuse," he adds, and it's abundantly clear in that moment that he blames himself for your accident. "I've chosen not to regret my decisions."

So maybe he doesn't blame himself, exactly, but he knows he's at fault. Apparently you'll never know what's going on in Levi's head. "Did you save them?" you ask quietly.

"Who?"

"The other one."

"No."

"Oh." You pause, scrunching your eyes shut. You're trying to recall that memory, figure out what happened to you, when a name that Levi told you ages ago pops into your head. "Farlan."

Levi's head snaps up so fast that he looks like he got whiplash. "What?"

"That's who it was," you continue quietly. "Right?"

"You remember him?" he pushes.

You're about to object that no, you don't- why would you- when you realize you do. It was one of the first two names Levi mentioned to you. It meant nothing to you a minute ago, but now you can picture a face. Soft brown hair, a clever smile that made it look like he knew what you were thinking.

Your jaw slips open, and you stare dumbly at Levi. He waits, eyebrows raised in anticipation. "I..." you trail off.

Another flash of something- maybe a memory- hits you, and it's jarring. You can feel a chill down your spine- you're standing in the rain, boots in the mud, blade drawn, side by side with this man that you didn't remember until a few seconds ago. Being picked up by a strong hand, being trapped-

Another sharp pang in your head.

_He smiles. "I love you too!" Farlan calls._

"No," you moan, pressing your hands to your forehead as the memory leaves as quickly as it came. Levi's by your side in an instant, a hand clenched tight around your elbow so that you don't topple off the tree branch. "No, no!" You curse under your breath, trying to remember as much as you can.

"Oi. Talk to me," Levi snaps, tugging you. 

You stumble, and his hand grabs your other elbow, balancing you. "He said I love you too," you mutter.

He reels back like he's been slapped. "What?"

"His last words," you clarify, and Levi's shoulders sag. "I think."

He's strangely silent, but he's biting his lip and looks like he's bursting with questions. "Everything," Levi demands simply. "Now."

So you try to put it all into words. "We were standing in the- in the rain?" you say questionably, meeting Levi's eyes. You drop your gaze almost immediately when you realize how intensely he's looking at you. "Mud. We were side by side, I think, and we were facing a... facing a titan, but it... something grabbed me," you say, gathering more confidence in what you know. "Something grabbed me and I think... I think I told him I loved him because I wanted to..."

Why? Why would you say something like that? Were you in love with him? Shouldn't you feel a stronger connection if you were? "I wanted to go out on a good note or something," you say lamely. "I think. And then he said he loved me too, and... and that's all I remember."

Levi is so rigid that he looks like a stone statue. "You were in love with him?" he says. 

You shrug weakly. "I- I don't know. I don't think so? Probably not. He's- he's gone now though, so I guess it doesn't matter."

He doesn't reply. Instead, he orders you to stay where you are and he swoops away to meet up with another squad leader. There's no titans here, and although Levi never comes back to your branch, he's always got an eye on you. Eventually, you sit yourself down and study the area. One day you'll be allowed to zip around like the rest of the scouts. One day.

After maybe twenty minutes of inaction, there's a two quick flare gun rounds: the signal to reconvene. Levi finally rejoins you where you are, refusing to make eye contact the entire time, and the two of you descend in silence. The entire ride back is dead silent, and you spend the time trying to gather your thoughts and try to put shards of memory into place.

When you fall asleep that night, you dream of Isabel and Farlan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand now I'm officially caught up with where I am on Wattpad. Next update will be Friday and should be every Friday from there on out as long as I can keep my shit together.
> 
> Thank you so much for over 150 kudos, I feel so loved <3


	8. 0 - 8

You'd never had a memory come to you in a dream before.

You wish it hadn't been this one.

.

_Sairam had always been friendly. Despite the four of you coming to the scouts with no official training or friends other than yourselves, he'd introduced himself to you. He'd been kind. It had made the corps feel more likeable._

_And now he was in a titan's mouth._

_They came out of nowhere, surrounding the five of you through the thick veil of smoke. It was supposed to be smooth sailing. Levi was out hunting Erwin, but it was Levi- he'd be fine. Squad leader Flagon was going to lead you back to the main group: you, Sairam, Farlan, and Isabel. You were all going to be okay._

_Then, through the fog, a titan's hand swooped down and grabbed Sairam off his horse. As he was lifted up, the fog seemed to separate, showing two more titans behind him. "Sairam!" Flagon howled, steering his horse towards him. "Don't move! I'm coming to get you!"_

_You're already moving to jump off your horse. "I got him!" you shout._

_"Don't!" Farlan yells._

_It's too late for Sairam anyways. The titan's jaw clamps shut and there's a spray of blood. There's something about seeing your comrade being swallowed so close that hits your brain differently- that had almost been Isabel._

_"Sairam!" Flagon cries._

_"Forget him, you idiot!" Farlan shouts. "There's no way we can take on five of them in this rain!"_

_You can't even call him heartless. He's right, of course- Sairam's dead and there's nothing you can do about it. Wait, five? Did he say five? You squint at the fog and nearly lose your balance. There's two more small ones coming out from behind the two larger ones and the one that ate Sairam._

_Farlan: always the smart one. "We have to scatter-" he starts._

_The titan in front of you comes out of nowhere. You cry out in surprise and jerk your horse sideways, and it manages to veer out of the way. Isabel manages to stop her horse in time too; you see her peel off in the same direction as you. Farlan isn't so lucky. His horse tumbles to the ground with him still riding it, trapping his leg under it._

_"Farlan!" you cry, turning your horse back towards him._

_"I got the titan!" Isabel cries fiercely, and she shoots through the air above your head. "Get Farlan!"_

_Without hesitation, you vault off of your horse and dash over to Farlan, your boots slipping in the mud. "What are you doing?" he snaps as you bend down next to him. "Get out of here!"_

_"Not without you!" you snap back, looping your arms under his shoulders and pulling._

_Above you, Isabel howls and slices through the fingers of the titan that knocked over Farlan's horse. You give Farlan another hard tug and he yells. After a third hard pull, you finally manage to wrestle him free._

_"Isabel," Farlan croaks, and you look back up as Isabel misses her slice- hitting shoulder instead of nape- and swoops around to the back._

_And then she slips. And she falls limply into the titan's back._

_"Isabel!" you cry out, and since Farlan isn't momentarily in danger, you let go of him and shoot your hooks into the side of the titan's neck. It's not focused on you- it's starting to stand up, trying to reach for Isabel on its back- and you fly up to its neck, hands shaking. Your blades slice through the back of its neck in one clean shot. First kill._

_As you free fall, you spin in midair to check on Isabel, and the world seems to stop._

_You worried about the wrong titan._

_The giant blond one launches itself at the back of the titan you just killed, where Isabel is hanging. She locks eyes with you, and for the first time since you've met her, she looks scared. Her lips form a name you can't make out._

_You shoot your hooks at the second titan, but you're too late. Isabel is crushed into the back of the titan in a spray of blood._

_"No!" you shriek, and in one swift movement, you slice through the back of the titan's neck, spraying yourself with both its and Isabel's blood. The momentum that propelled you towards it sends you hurtling past the now-dead titan and into the ground._

_You land on your left foot, and you can hear an audible cracking sound. Fire shoots up your leg. You try to spin around, foolishly looking for Isabel- god, you're covered in her blood._

_"Hey!" Farlan cries out, waving at you. "Over here!"_

_You try to stand, but your foot collapses underneath you. You're sure that adrenaline is keeping most of the pain at bay. Farlan jogs over to you instead. "My foot," you gasp, refusing to look down and see how bad it is. "Think I broke it." You're also missing the blade you used- it must've got thrown away when you fell. You've got one left._

_"My gear's not working," he confesses, and your heart drops in your chest. "Broke when I fell."_

_You both stare at each other. Is this it? Is this how you die?_

_Farlan shakes his head, glancing up. There's a small, five meter titan lumbering towards you. "We're not giving up yet," he says firmly, drawing his sword. "Levi's still out there somewhere."_

_Levi. Something burns in your chest. "I don't need my feet to fly," you mutter, balancing yourself on one foot._

_Luckily, neither of you have to do anything. Someone shoots up and slices through the back of the titan's neck, causing it to fall to the muddy ground. To your surprise, Flagon appears from the fog. "How could I abandon my squad?" he shouts, waving a blade at them. "Find horses and get out of here!"_

_"Behind you!" Farlan cries, but it's too late. A large hand sweeps out and grabs your squad leader with a sickening crunch._

_"Flagon!" you shout, and you get ready to shoot forward but your foot slips. You drop to your knees in the mud, the pain in your ankle and foot starting to catch up to you. "No, shit," you croak, looking up, but it's too late. Flagon's head disappears into the titan's mouth. "No-"_

_Farlan helps you up, his hands pulling at your arms and steadying you. "We fight to the end, right?" he says with a weak smile._

_You're torn between wanting to give him a hug and calling it quits now or giving these fuckers a fight before you go down. Isabel's face is still fresh in your mind and it makes you want to cry. No, you've got to fight. For her sake, and for Farlan, who's ready to stand up to the titans despite having ODM gear that doesn't work._

_Levi. Farlan said he'd come back- you have to believe that._

_"We fight to the end," you echo, balancing on one foot._

_The timing of it is so ironic that you're not sure whether to laugh or cry when the titan hand shoots out of the fog beside you and grabs you. Farlan cries out and slices at the titan's fingers, but the hand pulls away at the last second and he misses. The titan you two were looking at before grabs Farlan while he's distracted._

_Farlan's face fills with panic, then acceptance. It's the end of the line for both of you._

_You lock eyes with him as each of you are lifted up into the air. Your arms are pinned by your sides, your blade is trapped; there's nothing you can do. You manage a wry smile at Farlan. "I love you!" you yell over the rain, because it's the truth and you'd like your last words to be something hopeful. You haven't known him for very long- two years- but he's the closest thing to a brother you've ever had._

_He smiles. "I love you too!" Farlan calls._

_Tears fighting at your eyes, you squeeze them shut. You try not to think of Isabel, so scared in her final moments. You think of Farlan and his smile. That'll be the last thing you see before you die. Yes, that sounds good._

_It feels like you just keep rising. How big is this titan? Is it going to stuff your head in its mouth like Flagon, or are you going to be dropped feet first?_

_You were going to have Farlan smiling as the last thing you see, but your curiosity gets the best of you. You open your eyes. You're still in the titan's hand, but you're being held up over its head. It's smiling up at you, wide dark eyes boring into your soul. Ah. So it's going to drop you into its mouth, then._

_The fog is so thick around you that you can't even see the ground anymore. Or maybe it's the blurriness in your eyes. For some reason, you think of Levi. You hope he doesn't blame himself for this- it's not his fault. There's so many things you wish you could've said to him._

_You glare down at the titan. "Fuck you," you tell it. So much for 'I love you' being your last words._

_Its grip loosens. Time slows down._

_Then, there's a flash. Some sort of blur. The titan's expression doesn't change, but somehow you've started to fall? It hasn't let go of you, and your arms are still pinned in its hand. As you tip over, you finally get a good look at what happened: the titan's hand has been severed from its wrist._

_Levi._

_You can't see him, but you know in your gut that it was him- maybe he's saving Farlan. The titan's hand cushions your fall, barely. It strikes the ground and sends mud spraying up around you. The wind is knocked out of you and it feels like you can't breathe._

_The whiplash sends your neck snapping forward. You try to twist your head to the side, but you're too slow._

_Your head smacks into a rock. Pain shoots through your eye,_

_and then there's nothing._

.

You wake up with tears in your eyes.

That was no dream. That was definitely a memory.

Judging by the darkness outside, it's still not morning yet- so theoretically, you could sleep for a few more hours. It feels like your brain is foggy, but their faces are clear.

"Isabel," you murmur, tucking your knees up to your chest. "Farlan."

They died. They were out with you on a mission, they were your friends, and they died. Yet you're here. You lived. They deserve to be remembered, at the very least. Levi's only mentioned them in passing, but if what Erwin had told you is true and you all came up from the underground together, Levi must've been close with the two of them.

And out of the three of you, you were the one that lived. The one he could barely tolerate.

"Shit," you whisper, a weak laugh bubbling up in your throat. "Oh, shit."

No wonder he resents you.

Despite the nightmarish memory still gnawing at your brain, somehow, you manage to fall back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said Friday. It's Thursday. I lied. Yay? Mostly because this chapter was just a flashback and I was like "this is the shit I'm giving them this week? No." 
> 
> I detest doing purely flashback chapters and I hate myself for doing this, so there's another chapter on the way. Should be up Saturday night (I'm in EST, for reference). 
> 
> Hope you're all staying safe and healthy. Thanks for reading! :)


	9. 0 - 9

_Isabel slips, and you shoot your hooks into the back of the titan's neck. You swing your blades, but you miss, and when you turn around again, she's being pulled at in two different directions by two titans-_

_At the last second, her eyes lock on you. Her face is devoid of any expression as she says, "this is your fault."_

_Then she's torn in half, and you're drowning in blood, and-_

"No!"

You sit up, the scream dying in your throat, hand reaching out to something that's not there. It takes you a moment to realize where you are (still in your hospital room) but by the time you've gathered your bearings, the vividness of your dream starts sinking onto your shoulders. 

You want to lie and tell yourself it wasn't real, and although that exact scenario isn't what came up in your memory, it still makes your insides churn. You want to douse your brain in some sort of acid and scrub it clean.

Your breakfast is already sitting on the side table, so you eat by yourself. It's awful, being alone with your thoughts. After such a vivid memory, you should be trying to write down as much as you can, or at the very least, relay the information to someone.

You can't wipe the look in Isabel's eyes from your mind.

A minute later, you stumble into your bathroom, vomiting up the contents of your breakfast. You can't erase the memory from your head, as much as you desperately wish you could. How odd. You spent months longing for memories, to remember something, anything, and now you want nothing more than to sink your brain into acid and pretend you never remembered anything to begin with.

Thankfully, your first visitor is Hange and not Levi. They come in, as bubbly as usual, bandages wrapped around their wrist. "Nothing major, just fell," they say with a wave of their good hand. "You're the important one, though! How was your first- well, second- time outside the walls?"

"I remember how they died," you say hollowly.

Hange pauses. "They? You mean- your friends?"

"Yeah."

For a rare moment, your friend is quiet, drinking in what you said and perhaps registering the haunted look in your eyes. "Ah, well, that's the life of the scouts," they say softly, taking a seat next to your bed. "We lost six people yesterday. Just a simple scouting mission to check out the forest and we still lost six."

You didn't know that. "Does it get easier?" you whisper. "Seeing everyone die?"

Hange smiles wryly. "I guess anything would be easier than the deaths of your closest friends."

You purse your lips and look down, starting to feel embarrassed. You're reeling from a memory of nearly seven months ago, but the rest of the Survey Corps go through this every single mission and keep it together.

"Don't beat yourself up," Hange says, as if they can sense what you're thinking. "You're remembering them only now. It's bound to be tough."

"Thanks," you mutter.

The two of you sit in silence for a while. Hange casually turns their wrist over in their lap, giving you your space. You glance at your window; although it only shows you the side of another building, you can see the light rainfall coming down.

You need to talk to Levi. Even if you don't want to, you need to tell him what you know. "Hange?" you whisper. "Where's Levi?"

They stand up. "I'll get him."

"Oh- I can go to him," you protest, swinging your legs off the side of the hospital bed. "It's no big deal."

Hange puts a hand on your shoulder. You're a bit surprised by the sudden urge to strip the hand off and shove them away- how weird of you. "Relax. Stay here. I'll go grab him." They smile wryly. "Besides, I think he's having tea."

Pursing your lips, you sit back down. Hange shoots you one last smile and leaves, closing the door behind them.

Ten minutes later, Levi enters, carrying a tray. You straighten up. He walks to the chair beside your bed, setting the tray down before he takes a seat. He doesn't say a word or meet your eyes: he attends to his tea, pouring two cups.

"It's rosemary," he says before you can ask. "Rosemary tea."

You nod in thanks and reach out for the cup, surprised at how shaky your hands are. As soon as you grab the hook of the cup, it starts shaking, sending tea spilling over the edge. "Shit," you curse as the hot liquid hits your hand.

"Oi. Idiot." Levi grabs your tea cup by the rim to steady it, in the strange way he likes to hold it. You let go, and Levi sets the cup back on the tray. He pulls a handkerchief out of his jacket pocket and presses it over your hand. "Careful, dumbass," he mutters.

His index finger brushes again the inside of your palm and it feels like fire is shooting through your arm. "Thanks," you mutter, jerking your hand back like you've been shocked.

Levi wrinkles his nose in irritation. "You can't keep it."

"Not going to," you shoot back.

"Then don't spill your tea. Don't waste it."

"Didn't mean to," you mutter, setting Levi's handkerchief on the tray. His eyes follow you as you reach out for the cup again. You pause, looking at the way Levi's holding his cup. _Well, why not._ You wrap your fingers around the edge of the cup and pick it up.

Levi raises an eyebrow at you. You raise the cup to your lips and tip your hand back to pour some of the tea into your mouth.

There's a method to Levi's madness. Somehow, the cup doesn't fall from your fingers. "Shut up," you mutter. Somehow, without changing his expression, Levi seems more smug than before. "I, uh, I..." you trail off. "Did Hange say anything to you?"

He shakes his head. "They just told me you wanted to see me."

You swallow. "I had a dream."

"Of?"

"A memory."

Levi's expression doesn't change. "Of what?" he asks.

 _Here goes._ "Isabel and Farlan. When they died."

There's a bit of a pause. You're half expecting Levi to drop his cup. He doesn't. Instead, he sets the cup down on the tray and crosses his arms. "Tell me everything," he demands. "Don't miss a single detail."

And so you do. The headache that you've had all morning seems to subside. You've made no effort to retain the memory but every detail is still etched clearly into your mind. You stumble over Isabel's death, tongue thick in your throat and tears blurring your eyes. You're almost grateful you didn't see Farlan die- that would've been much too traumatizing.

When you finish, you're visibly tearing up. You snatch Levi's handkerchief from the tray and wipe your eyes, exhaling shakily. Levi is dangerously silent, his expression carefully controlled.

"I get it now, at least," you murmur, looking up to him. His eyes are focused on the wall behind you, avoiding your gaze. "Why you resent me." He doesn't say anything in reply, so you continue. "I know you would've preferred one of them to live instead."

Levi angrily sips his tea. "Don't say shit like that."

"It's true though, isn't it?"

He meets your eyes, his glare hard, and he sets his tea cup down on the tray. "I thought all three of you were dead," he says. "Two is better than three."

You frown. "Yeah, if you're speaking objectively. But you were obviously closer to Isabel and Farlan than you were to me-"

"What do you want me to say?" Levi snaps, cutting you off. He crosses his arms. "You want me to tell you I hate you?"

"Oh, I know you do," you return, eyes narrowed, "I'm just trying to figure out if this is why or if there's other issues."

His glare doesn't waver. You hold his stare as best you can, trying not to back down. He doesn't let up, and eventually you have to tear your eyes away. It'd almost be easier if he yelled, if he shunned you and blamed you for the deaths of his friends. If the fact that you're alive and they're not is the reason he hates you, then that would make your life easier, because otherwise, it means that there's something in your past that he's not telling you. And with Levi being the one you feel closest to (not that that's saying much), you'd prefer to have any of said problems up in the air.

Moments of silence go by. The guilt that you've been suppressing resurfaces as the anger in you dies down, and you sigh softly to yourself. "I killed the wrong one," you whisper, eyes trained on your tea cup that's being balanced by one hand in your lap. "The wrong titan. Isabel-"

"Don't regret it."

"How can I not?"

"Because if you do, you won't be able to make decisions for shit," Levi says dully. He tips his head to the side, tucking his chin into the palm of his hand. "You think I don't wish I would've stayed with you?"

Damn, your eyes are going to start watering again.

"Every fucking moment of every damn day," he murmurs. "Erwin's the one who told me what I told you- that if you regret it, you ruin your decision making in the future. Instead, blame it on the titans."

"Titans," you mutter.

There's a heavy silence where you digest what he's told you. Levi picks up his tea cup again and takes a long sip, then pours himself some more. Your cup is still half full, sitting in your lap. You bring it up to your lips, holding it the way Levi does, and drain the rest of it. You welcome the sting of the heat in your throat.

You set your empty cup on the tray and turn to Levi. "I want to join the Survey Corps."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do," you argue. "You don't get to tell me what I want."

"You're such a pain in the ass," Levi grumbles. "You just want revenge."

You go quiet, because he's just hit the nail on the head. You simmer in your own fury for a moment before you say, "not entirely." He raises an eyebrow at you, so you continue. "You- you're my only connection to a life that I used to have. I want to be where you are."

"Don't be fucking stupid."

Your temper flares. "I'm not-"

"Yes, you are," he snaps. "I'm not worth that- I'm not worth your life. It's dangerous out here, idiot, people die-"

"I don't care!"

"You should!" Levi's careful expression is gone; it's given way for a mixture of annoyance and fury. "We're _not_ close," he snarls, pointing a finger at you, "and we were never friends. Isabel and Farlan liked you, I didn't. We had to work together for one job- _one_ job."

"So there _is_ something else then," you push. "What did I do? Why didn't we get along?"

"Nothing! They were just eager to trust and I wasn't a fucking idiot." Levi sets his jaw. "You won them over, but not me. I don't care what happens to you."

"Liar," you snap back. "If you didn't care, you wouldn't be trying to stop me from joining the scouts!"

Levi's about to retort when the door opens, and both of your heads snap up. Doctor Fizal is standing in the doorway, and there's a strange man behind her. He's wearing a plain grey coat and a hat over a mop of grey hair, and he's shifting nervously behind her. You don't recognize him, but then again, that doesn't mean much to you.

"My apologies," Fizal says carefully. "Am I interrupting something?"

"No," Levi says before you can reply. "I was just leaving."

You're too angry with him to protest, so you instead choose to glare at the door as Levi stands, abandoning the tea tray in favor of having a quicker exit.

Levi's barely made it two steps out of the door when Doctor Fizal says, "Miss Logan, I believe this man may be your father."

The air seems to get sucked out of your body.

Levi turns around so fast that it may have been comical if you weren't feeling like you'd been sucker punched. You try to study the man, looking for any sort of resemblance- narrow eyes, sharp cheek bones, holding himself in a way that suggests he's trying not to come off as intimidating- but your brain is still spinning and it's clouding your judgment. "Oh," is all you can manage to say. "Really?"

"Well, there's no way to know for sure, but..." Doctor Fizal glances at Levi, and he steps out of the way- back into your room. The man enters and removes his hat, clutching it in his hands.

"They told me your name," he says. His voice is deep and sort of raspy, and for some reason it immediately sets you on edge. "But that doesn't mean much to me considering you were taken from me as soon as you were born."

To your surprise, Levi is the one to speak up. "Then how do you know she's yours?"

The man glances back at Levi in surprise, then turns back to you. "Well, I don't," he says honestly. "But I've always been searching. I've found several young women that it could be, but... none seem to work out. You- the doctor said you were from the underground, yes?"

"Underground kids don't have families," Levi says sharply.

You shoot him a weak glare. One second he says he doesn't care about you, and now he's being protective? Make up your mind.

"They do if they were born above ground first," the man says, and he turns back to you. "Oh, where are my manners? My name is Willem. Willem Castello."

He holds his hand out to you, and you tentatively shake it. He's got a tight grip.

"I live in a small village in the southern part of Wall Rose," Willem says. "Tormach village. Maybe about fifty people. We're mostly farmers. If you're willing, we'd like you to come and live with us."

"We?" you say.

He glances sideways at Doctor Fizal, and you realize that part of this is the doctor's idea. "We... we mentioned getting you settled into a routine," she says. "Obviously, a routine in the military would not be beneficial to your healing. You went out with the scouts yesterday, yes? There are mentions of you having severe headaches while on the trip."

Your mouth opens, but no sound comes out. You look to Levi. _He's really doing his best to keep me out of the scouts, isn't he,_ you think bitterly.

"Mister Castello is willing to take you in, and even if it turns out that you two are not related in the way he hopes," she continues, "then at least it gives you a way to integrate back into society. Helping out on a farm."

"I know you have amnesia, so there's nothing you remember," Willem adds, "but my wife ran away with you as soon as you were born. I've been trying to track her down since, and I have many reasons to believe that she retreated to the underground."

That would explain your upbringing in the underground- if this man isn't lying, at least. "Sorry, I'm just a bit... overwhelmed," you say carefully, curling your fingers into the sheets of your hospital bed.

"Sorry," he apologizes. "I don't mean to spring this on you. And I'm not sure if this will help, but most of the people in our village carry this symbol." He reaches into his shirt and pulls out a pendant hanging from the end of a long cord.

For the second time in two minutes, you feel sucker punched.

It's a triangle inside a circle. It's the same charm that you've got in your jacket, which is tucked into your nightstand.

"Let's give you time to think about it," Doctor Fizal says, placing a hand on Willem's shoulder. "I know this might be a lot of information all at once. Please consider this, though. It could be good for you."

Willem shoots you a weak smile, hidden behind his scruffy grey beard, and he follows the doctor out of the room, stepping away from Levi. The doctor shoots you one last look that says _think about it_ and closes the door behind her, leaving you in the room with Levi.

"I have that symbol," you whisper. "In the-"

"Pocket of your jacket," Levi finishes. "Yeah. I know."

It feels like the gears in your brain are turning faster than you can keep up. "So is he- is that my father then?" you say dumbly, reaching toward the nightstand. You pull open the drawer and remove your jacket, being careful not to knock over the tray with the tea.

Levi moves back towards you and take his seat again. His eyes follow your hands as you go through your jacket pockets, finding the secret opening in the lining and pulling out the necklace.

It's identical to that man's. A triangle bounded by a circle, hanging from a cord.

You want to scream. You want to ask Levi what you should do. You want to leave the hospital, run away, and never look back. Levi's staring at the pendant in your hands, swinging back and forth.

"Fucking doctor did this on purpose."

You glance up at Levi and frown. "What're you talking about?"

"The timing. Seems too convenient, hm?" He crosses his arms. "She wanted to wait until after you'd been on that scouting trip so you'd be rattled and take the offer. She's hoping you got scared."

"I didn't get scared," you say with a roll of your eyes. You soften. "Just memories." You think for a minute, wondering if you can summon any memories about family. "I don't know anything about a family, though," you murmur, tipping your head down to stare at the pendant in your hands. Such a small, insignificant little thing that's making your head hurt.

"You mentioned your family once," Levi murmurs.

Your head snaps up so fast that you can feel something crack.

"We were..." he trails off, then laces his fingers together. "I told you we did one job. It was a big one. It went off without a hitch. We were celebrating. We had a fire. Whiskey. Started talking about family."

Then you hear it again. The same thing from when Mike was with you and Hange, talking to your horse. Warmth in your hands, laughter.

"You were on your own. You said there was no one in the picture, but you talked about your mother in the past tense. We assumed that meant she was dead."

That feels like a gut punch. "You didn't think to tell me that earlier?"

Levi doesn't answer you. Instead, he says, "you never mentioned your father."

"Okay. Okay, so..." you exhale, clutching the tiny charm in your hand. "So it lines up. My mother ran away with me to the underground, and she died? So I grew up on my own. Sort of. Maybe?"

Levi's eyes squeeze shut, then open. "I originally assumed your mother was like mine," he whispers.

It feels like someone is compressing your brain with two red-hot irons, like a sandwich. "What was... what was your mother like?" you whisper.

"A..." he trails off, turning his head away from you and exhaling. It's the most emotion you've ever seen from Levi. He stops, as if determining if it's worth saying. Levi locks eyes with you, then shakes his head. Clearly the topic isn't easy for him, and he doesn't trust you enough to tell you. "Doesn't matter," he mutters.

You're not sure how to respond to that, so you stay quiet, biting the inside of your cheek.

"But if not, then that means your mother ran away from a farm above ground and found shelter underground," Levi continues, the emotion draining from his face. "People kill to get citizenships for up here. She gave that up willingly to keep you away from him."

You finally see where he's going with this. If everything you've gathered so far is true, then your mother gave up a lot to keep you away from him. "Why would she do that?" you murmur, pressing a hand to your head. "Why..."

Your headache rages in your head. Questions are bouncing around your brain.

You bite your lip and tighten your hand around your pendant. "Only one way to find out," you say firmly.

Levi's eyes widen. "You're not actually considering this."

"What do you want me to do, Levi?" you say tiredly, the pendant slipping from your grip and falling into your lap. Levi's driving you insane, and not in a good way. "You- you don't want me in the Survey Corps, you don't want me to go with someone who might be my family. You want me to just stay locked in this stupid hospital room for the rest of my life?"

He mutters something that sounds vaguely like "pain in the ass" before he snaps, "any options that don't involve you running head first into danger?"

You glare. "I thought you didn't care."

"I don't."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Then let me go."

"Fine." Levi stands up again, grabbing the tea tray. "Go get yourself killed. I don't care."

"Fine," you retort bitterly as he heads to the door.

"Fine," he replies angrily. He throws the door open so hard that it nearly knocks the tray off of his other hand, but he manages to keep it balanced. Levi swivels back to face you, his eyes blazing. "Go get yourself killed and then see how much I care," he snaps.

The door slams shut.

"Fine," you whisper to yourself. You raise both of your middle fingers at the closed door. "Fuck you, Levi."

You look down at the pendant in your lap and hold it up. It swings back and forth, almost like it's trying to hypnotize you.

_Maybe this is a bad idea._

You steel yourself. Levi challenged you to go get yourself killed? Fine. You'll have to spite him.

You get up from your bed, sliding your jacket around your shoulders and tucking the necklace back into your pocket. You're going to go find Doctor Fizal and that Willem Castello person that may be your father, and you're going to go figure this out once and for all. Without Levi's help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically Levi's protective but at the same time is trying not to be involved. Poor dude and poor you. 
> 
> Update, as promised, and UGH do I hate what comes next. I hate doing backstories but, ya know, plot. Don't worry, this isn't going to last more than a few chapters and there's still Levi interactions in every chapter. 
> 
> Thanks for putting up with my rambling and my messy attempt at a story. Love you all. Your support means the world. <3


	10. 0 - 10

The doctor arranges for you to leave later that day.

It feels sudden. Like it's happening too fast. But you're tired of sitting around and waiting for things to come to you. Besides, it feels like everyone is trying to get rid of you, and you're tired of feeling unwanted. You don't have a lot to pack: just some of the clothing that Doctor Fizal provided you with, some spare eye patches, and your jacket.

"I can't believe you're really taking off," Hange says forlornly, hanging off of your shoulder. You had gone to tell Erwin and Hange that you were leaving- they were the only ones you really needed to say good bye to. Levi was nowhere to be found. 

Hange had insisted on accompanying you until you left. Erwin had wished you the best of luck and left it at that. "I thought you wanted to be a scout!" they protest.

"I do," you agree, "but everyone seems to be doing everything possible to make sure I don't do that."

Hange chuckles. "You mean Levi? He's probably just stopping you because you were the only one who could take him in sparring and he likes being number one in the Corps."

You straighten up immediately. "I could?"

"Well, maybe." They shrug. "You two went at it once on one of the few training days you got. It was just supposed to be light sparring, but the two of you took it pretty seriously. You guys were hitting each other pretty hard, but no one tried to step in- probably would've gotten themselves hurt if they tried."

This is news to you. You can fight, apparently. "Who won?" you ask.

Hange grins. "Levi. But it was close."

You hum to yourself. Interesting. Maybe there's some way you can train on your own while you're at this farm. "Thanks for everything, Hange," you say, turning to your friend. "I really appreciate it."

"Of course! You can write to me, if you want." Hange's eyes shine brightly from behind their glasses. "I've always wanted a pen pal."

You laugh. "Yeah, of course."

Hange walks with you out of the hospital and around to the side entrance. Willem is there, sitting on the back of a horse and talking to Erwin, who is smiling like he's enjoying their conversation. Doctor Fizal is standing with Tanner, patiently waiting with the reins of another horse. You swallow a lump in your throat and walk towards them, Hange by your side.

Erwin is the first one to greet you. "Safe travels, Logan," he says politely. "I look forward to seeing you return to the scouts in a few years."

"We're already planning on that?" you ask in surprise. "I'm not complaining, but..."

Doctor Fizal sighs. "Well, if you've given this a shot and had sufficient time to heal, then I don't see why not."

Your mood instantly brightens. "Awesome. Yes, please," you say excitedly, turning back to Hange. "I'll be seeing you soon, then."

"Hopefully," they agree. Hange pulls you in for a hug, which surprises you, but you return it instantly. "Write to me!" Hange says as they pull back. "I'll write back to you too!"

You smile, then look up to Willem. He's smiling, but his smile is tight, like he's impatient. "I'm good to go," you say, glancing one last time at Tanner and Doctor Fizal before taking the reins to the horse. You swing yourself up onto the giant beast, settling yourself in so that you don't fall. "Uh, say bye to Levi for me, I guess," you say awkwardly.

"No need," Erwin says, turning behind him. "He's been waiting."

"Oh, fuck you, Erwin," comes Levi's voice from behind the side of the building. You straighten up in surprise, looking for the source, and Levi comes out from the side of the building, jacket slung around his shoulders and scowling. He stomps over to you, looking even smaller than usual from where you are on your horse. He thrusts his hand out at you, and for a bizarre moment you think he's trying to stab you.

You shrink back slightly, then realize he's holding out a black box. "Did I forget something?" you ask with a frown, taking the box from him.

"Yeah," Levi says shortly. "You did."

You tear your eyes from him to the box and open it, not sure what to expect. Your jaw slips open when you see what it is: a knife. And damn, it's a nice knife. It's small- the blade is maybe the length of your hand- and the handle is wrapped tightly in leather.

You glance back at Levi. "Thanks," you choke out.

He nods, then turns away.

You close the case and tuck it into the small bag on your back. Willem is watching you, but from the angle, he shouldn't have seen what was in the box. Levi's message is loud and clear: _stay safe._ That, you can do. It's just a farm with a man who claims he might be your father. How bad can it be?

 _How bad can it be?_ you repeat to yourself as the horses start up. You shoot a glance behind you. Hange is waving and Erwin is standing next to them, stoic. Levi is nowhere to be seen.

"Yeah," you whisper to yourself, turning around. "How bad can this be?"

.

The trip is the better part of an hour, and once you're five minutes away, Willem starts telling you more about the village.

"There's about fifty of us," he says, eyes trained forward on the hills. "A very tight knit community, if you will. Where you'll be staying, there will be six of us. Myself and my wife, Ethel, and our sons, Malcolm and Lars. They're only eleven and thirteen. And the last is my mother, Rann Castello. We work on a farm with a neighboring family. We'll get you to help out with various tasks until you find something you like."

You nod slowly. "How about letters?" you ask. "Can I write?"

"Of course," Willem agrees with a smile. "Normally myself or the man in charge of the other farm- his name is Ted, you'll like him- go into the city every two weeks. We can make sure that the Survey Corps head office is a stop on our list."

"Thank you so much," you say, your shoulders visibly dropping in relief.

"I will warn you," he says, and your shoulder tense up immediately, "we have tried this before with other young women that we believed to be my missing daughter. So the boys may not be particularly attached to you at first. As soon as we can confirm that you are who we're looking for, I'm sure they'll be excited."

"Oh," you reply. "What happened to the other women?"

"Once we realized they weren't who we were looking for, they returned to the city," he says smoothly.

You're not sure why, but it feels like a lie. It's innocent enough, but something's not right. "And what makes you so sure it's me?" you ask carefully.

Willem chuckles, his eyes blank. "Call it a hunch, but you fit better than anyone else so far. And you do share some resemblance with my ex-wife." He reaches into his shirt and pulls out his necklace again. The pendant glints in the sunlight. "If this ever becomes familiar to you, please let me know," he urges. "This would be a strong indicator."

Your jacket pocket suddenly feels very heavy. You force a smile. "I'll let you know," you say politely.

He smiles and turns back to the front, eyes focused once again on the hills. You try to force yourself to relax: you haven't played all your cards, you still have an ace up your sleeve. Once you're sure that he and his family aren't trained psychopaths and the family is something you want to be a part of, maybe you'll mention it. Maybe.

When you get there, it looks like the family is expecting you. The two boys- you've already forgotten their names- are boisterous and annoying as hell, and you'll probably end up kicking one of them at one point. Ethel, Willem's wife, seems nice enough, but there's a tightness to her expression that sets you on edge. The old lady, Rann- who would be your grandmother, you suppose- barely acknowledges you when you come in the door. All of them wear matching necklaces, that triangle within a circle that feels like it's going to haunt your nightmares.

Willem shows you to a room. It's decently sized, slightly bigger than the hospital room, but the only window is a skylight that's way too high up for you to reach. Not to mention the floor is ridiculously creaky. The boys' room is right next to yours and their parents are across the hall. Sneaking out is going to be difficult. Breaking out might be fine, but Willem owns a rifle; you saw it in his study when you came in. Part of you is concerned that your first thought upon coming here is getting away, but it's best to be prepared, right?

The drawers are packed with plain clothing: shirts, skirts, dresses. Most of it looks like it might fit- you may have to make some alterations on your own. Not like you own much to work with right now anyways; maybe someone can teach you how to sew or something.

"Well," you whisper, glancing up and out of the skylight. The stars are coming out. "It could be worse."

It's hard to sleep, probably because you're so on edge. It's been dark for hours, and you're sure everyone's long since gone to bed. You're possessed with a weird urge to go out and look at the stars; just seeing them through the skylight isn't enough. You want to go out to the roof.

Just when you're considering moving a shelf under the skylight so you can climb up to it, you hear footsteps. You frown. _Didn't everyone go to bed?_ Then, you hear whispers. Your curiosity gets the better of you and you swing your legs out of bed, carefully stepping around the edge of the room, where the floor is easiest to walk on without creaking. _Take that, you stupid floor,_ you think triumphantly when you make it to the door with minimal noise.

You press your ear to the door and listen. The first voice you can make out is Willem. "...I'm sure, darling, this time I'm sure," he's saying.

There's a sigh, and the voice is feminine- you're guessing his wife, Ethel, not the grandmother. "You have to be," she insists softly. She whispers something that you can't make out, but you catch the end of her sentence when she says, "I'm not doing this again."

"Darling, she has amnesia," Willem whispers urgently, and your shoulders immediately rise. "If that isn't a clear sign then I don't know what is."

"You have to be sure," Ethel says firmly, not backing down. "I- I refuse to assist in anything until you're sure."

 _Assist in anything? Amnesia?_ "She looks like her mother," he says insistently. "I'm- I'm sure."

"We will wait," she pleads, "please. Until we are sure and she comes to us of her own free will."

There's a pause, then a sigh. "Fine," Willem says, but he sounds bitter. "Fine."

The footsteps start up again, and you hold your breath as they go by your room. A door opens, then shuts. You wait another minute, listening for anything else, then carefully work your way back to your bed, as silent as you can be.

You don't sleep at all that night.

.

Life on the farm isn't all that bad. Some people come and go- other townsfolk- and they all seem friendly enough. You help out with odd tasks: making meals with Ethel in the kitchen, chopping firewood, clearing out space by lifting boxes. You even manage to start getting along with the kids... Marcus and Liam? Something like that.

It's not bad in any way, shape, or form, but it's boring. All you can think of is the scouts swinging from tree to tree, fighting titans. You think of training: horseback riding, sparring, formations. That all sounds much more enticing that learning how to knit from Rann. But, in knitting's defense, the needles can probably be used to stab someone if you try hard enough.

You mention that aloud by accident in front of Rann, but she just chuckles. "You wouldn't be the first to try," she says, and you grin.

There's very minimal restrictions, and the ones that are in place are strange. For example, there's a giant tree with a strange sort of fruit on it in the back of the field. It was the first thing Willem pointed out to you. "That tree was a gift," he says. "We don't touch it."

"We don't?" you say. Seems like a waste of a gift if you can't use it.

Willem shoots you a wary look. "No. Don't touch it."

You find yourself staring at it anyways. It's huge, with long winded branches and some sort of small red fruit blossoming from the ends of the branches. You have a weird urge to climb it, but there's a giant fence that's been gated around it. The fence is barbed and looks to be almost ten feet high- how bizarre. But besides that, the Castellos are pretty easy going about where you can go or what you do, so you don't question it.

Two weeks fly by so quickly that when Willem mentions he's going into the city, you barely have time to scrape a letter to Hange together. You try to include as much detail as you can, with promises of writing more soon, and you tuck it into an envelope that Willem gave you. Hange's not the only one you want to write to, however, and you frown as your quill hovers over your second blank sheet.

Levi. Would he even write back?

Strangely enough, you find that you miss him. You never saw him all that often back in the city, but somehow knowing that he was at least around was comforting. _Comforting._ You snort. _Levi, comforting? Yeah, right._

You smirk to yourself and jot down a short note for Levi.

Willem drops off the letters, and two weeks later, when he makes his trip to the city again, he's carrying responses. And he's got two of them, which means that either Levi responded to you or someone else is sending you something. You read Hange's first: full of excitement, what they're doing in the scouts, a little bit on how they're going to watch some of the trainees.

When you open the other letter you grin. It's literally two words, but that can't stop you from grinning like an idiot.

These letters are going to be your saving grace; you already know it.

.

Levi frowns when Erwin hands him a letter. Tells him he's got no one to write to him- until he opens it and sees your name signed at the bottom. The letter is one sentence, clipped and to the point, and it makes him smirk (although he's definitely going to deny it later).

_Levi:_

_I'm writing to you whether you like it or not and I'm expecting you to write me back, whether you like it or not._

"What a pain," he mumbles to himself, already moving to his desk to write his response. Levi smirks, reading that one sentence over again. "Stupid brat."

And so, he writes back.

_Fine._

_Levi_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _UGH_ I hate these chapters with every fiber of being. Backstories are going to be my undoing. Huzzah for Reader's curiosity and the wonderful fuel we all know as spite. Don't worry, I think next chapter's going to be the only chapter without Levi; he'll be back in chapter 12. I think.
> 
> You guys are insane- never expected such a nice reception this soon, especially during what I've coined the most tedious part of this story. You're all fantastic. All my love. <3


	11. 0 - 11

Your 'grandmother' Rann quickly becomes your favorite person on the farm to hang out with. She's mostly quiet and a bit odd, like something's addled her brain, but occasionally she tells you a story from her youth, which makes her sound like quite the wild animal. Sometimes you garden with her, and sometimes it's knitting. Eventually, she teaches you how to sew after you tear your skirt when moving some of the boxes in Willem's farm house.

She's much better company than Ethel, who keeps watching you warily like she expects you to flee at any given moment. Besides that conversation you overheard on the first night, nothing seems amiss. It feels like you're settling in quite well.

You write to Levi again.

_Levi,_

_I finally learned how to make tea._

His response comes back two weeks later.

_You're probably shit at it._

_Levi_

Hange is much more exciting to write to. They're constantly giving you updates on what's happening in the Survey Corps, what they discovered in the latest expedition. They tell you it's too late now to join the 103rd squad but you can probably sign up for the 104th squad for training, when you decide to come back. And you want to come back, you do; but it feels like there's something here you need to find out. Besides, even if you did come back, you're not sure if the doctor- or Levi, for that matter- would even let you join.

So instead, you spend your time lifting heavy things and trying to get stronger. Learning how to cook, trying to make a decent cup of tea. Ethel has dozens of books on tea and bags of tea leaves that she hangs out to dry. You end up trying all kinds of different teas, some which you like and others that you don't.

_Levi,_

_I tried nettle tea. Not a fan._

Levi's response comes back two weeks later when Willem returns from the city, and it makes you want to steal a horse and ride down there yourself to smack him.

_You've got no taste._

_Levi_

It's been about three months. Three months of relative normalcy until you're knitting again with Rann, and she's giving you a story about Willem when she stops herself. "Shouldn't talk about it," she murmurs, knitting needles clacking furiously. "He was a good kid."

You're confused, but you let it drop. "Okay," you reply. Then, you ask, "is he a good father?"

Rann hums in contentment, and you think she hasn't heard you until she says, "good to Malcolm and Lars, yes. Good to Ethel, yes."

The answer feels dodgy, so you finally ask something that's been bothering you. "What about the other girls who lived here?" you ask tentatively. Rann's knitting needles stop moving. "Everyone seems to dodge around the topic. How many other girls have you had here? Where do they go once they realize they're not his missing kid?"

She remains frozen, eyes trained on her knitting project. You wait patiently.

"You're a good girl," she whispers. "I hope for your own sake that you're not who he thinks you are."

Chills erupt up your spine. She _hopes_ you're not Willem's daughter- not her granddaughter? Why? Because the necklace feels like it's growing heavier and heavier in your jacket pocket every day. You had actually been close to owning up to it and telling Willem that you're probably his missing daughter, but now the chance of that happening slips back to zero. "What do you mean?" you ask, voice quiet. "Why should I not want to be his daughter?"

Rann doesn't answer. She just hums and keeps knitting.

"Rann," you hiss through your teeth, leaning towards her. "Why? What's going on?"

No reply. Her eyes flicker up to the window only briefly, then drop back to her knitting. You follow her eyes and your blood runs cold. Willem is standing outside the window, looking inside. He was out chopping firewood- you can see the axe in his hand. He smiles at you, and suddenly it doesn't look kind: it looks psychopathic.

You turn back to your knitting so he can't see the horror on your face.

_What the hell is going on here?_

.

You start planning an escape. The best ways to get out for a quick exit.

The skylight's too high to reach without assistance, and dragging your dresser into the center of the room would be excessively noisy. Not to mention the family hearing you while you're up on the roof. It feels like someone is always watching you; you never get much privacy or time on your own.

Could you steal a horse from the stables? Take off while no one's looking?

It's only after pondering several different options that you realize you've got no idea where you would be going. You know what way Willem goes to head towards the main city, but besides that, you'd be lost. You wouldn't know how to get back to the city- to get back to Levi and Hange.

Looks like getting out might not be so easy.

.

_Levi;_

_I want to join the scouts when I come back, whether you like it or not._

His reply finally has more than five words.

_Go through the training so you don't get yourself killed in three seconds._

You smile stupidly to yourself in your bed, reading the words over and over again. Hange had mentioned training too- maybe it wouldn't be so bad. What had they said... the 104th squad? Yeah, maybe you could do that.

Something to look forward to. You find yourself absently sketching the wings from the Survey Corps uniform on your next letter to Hange. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad.

.

It feels like one of your only ways out of here might be from someone coming to get you or clearing you for training.

You risk writing to Doctor Fizal.

_How much longer do I have to be here?_

Her letter back to you is annoyingly full of data sheets, estimated recovery periods, and so much garbage that she could've just summed up in one sentence saying _not any time soon._ You burn her letter in the fireplace that evening, watching the corners of the page go dark and crumble into ashes.

.

Ethel lets you borrow one of her books on tea. It's a thick one, but that's just because it's stuffed with information. Every type of tea has at least two pages written on it: how to prepare it, the best way to drink it, and different properties of it that you're guessing people have tested. People have somehow discovered that black tea helps people who smoke, and you wonder how they found that out. Grabbed a bunch of smokers and made some of them drink black tea, then see who dies first?

Green tea is a common one you have at the farm, and you recognize it as the first type of tea that Levi gave you. There's lengthy sections about how to prepare green tea leaves, and the health benefits, especially for the memories of the elderly; those who drank a lot of green tea had an easier time retaining information.

You start reading on, then pause and go back to that section. Helps with memory?

"Wait a second," you murmur to yourself. Levi had also given you- oh, what was it, ginseng? You flip pages until you find it, and your eyes scan through the pages until you find health benefits. "Energy boost," you mutter to yourself, "improved focus, and..." you sigh. "Improved memory."

There's one more type of tea he gave you: rosemary. You head to that page next, and once again scan for benefits. And once again, improvement of focus, concentration, and memory.

Levi had been giving you teas that have been shown to help with memory.

Heat pushes behind your eyes. So many different types of tea, so many ways of preparing it, and Levi was making tea that was rumored to show an improvement in mental strength or memory. You're shocked at first, but the more you think about it, the more sense it makes.

Your hand is shaky when you write your letter back to Levi.

_I just read a book on types of tea._

_You never gave up on me, did you?_

His reply comes like clockwork, two weeks later, and it makes you laugh.

_You're a pain in the ass._

.

Hange's next letter poses a question in the end that makes you think.

_Is the time there worth it? Are you getting answers?_

It makes you think. Time keeps passing, and although the routine is nice and you can feel yourself gaining back your strength, you're no closer to answers than you were before. There's definitely something off, something that everyone knows but won't tell you, and you're sure that this is your family. You need answers. Why is your father so desperate for you to be proven his daughter, and what was Rann talking about? What was that hushed conversation you overheard on the first night?

You write back.

_Yes and no. Hopefully something comes up soon._

.

You've lost count of how long you've been here, but it all feels too long, too much. Hange mentioned training doesn't start for a while, so you've got some time, but you've got to leave before that. It sounds easy enough, but there's always a strange look in Willem's eyes that stops you from asking any time you think about approaching the subject.

It's only after a motivational letter from Hange that you manage to bring the topic up at the dinner table.

"I'd like to join the training corps," you say quietly.

Ethel freezes, the food on her fork tipping back onto the plate. Rann doesn't even react, instead humming and rocking back and forth in her chair. The boys don't seem to care- you completely forget their names, but it feels rude to ask at this point. Willem clears his throat. "When would that be?"

"In a few months," you reply carefully. "I appreciate your hospitality, but I think I'd like to get back into action."

"How's your eye?" Ethel asks politely, regaining her composure.

You smile and lift a hand to pull your eyepatch down, blinking it open. "A little bit better with every week," you say honestly. "I'm starting to see color again."

"You can't," Willem says stiffly. "We need to know if you're my daughter."

"Oh, honey," his wife says, putting a hand on his arm, "if nothing's sparked any memories at this point, then maybe it's best to just let her-"

"No!" he snaps, and she flinches away. You nearly flinch in your seat. He sighs, collecting himself. "No- no, I know you are. You- You look just like her, your mother, and the amnesia- there's no way you're not. I have waited," Willem continues, turning on his wife, "because you insisted we wait for proof, but I truly believe it this time."

"You- You said that about the last few girls," Ethel says timidly.

"What is it about my amnesia that makes you so sure?" you ask, frowning.

"It's practically a family tradition, dear," Rann chuckles from the far end of the table, and you turn to look at her. Willem glares hard at her, like she's saying something he doesn't like, and she amends, "my husband lost his memory as well."

You shift uncomfortably, fingers bunching into the sleeve of your jacket. "It's not quite the same as old age."

"He lost it in his forties," Rann hums, and your father's glare is murderous. "All of it."

Willem shoots her a dark look.

"And again a few years ago, before he passed," she muses.

"Mother," he growls.

You're not sure what it is, but you know. You know that this is your family; this is your father, this angry man at the head of the table. But something's not right and it's making you hold your tongue. So many months of holding your tongue because you have a bad feeling. How desperate are you for answers?

"I didn't think amnesia got passed down in family lines," you say carefully.

There's a long silence.

Willem finally interrupts. "Why don't you make tea, Ethel?" he says.

She nods quickly, way too quickly- desperate to get out of the conversation. "Of course," she says with forced enthusiasm. "Green or nettle?"

"Make it green, darling, she doesn't like nettle," Willem replies, picking at his food.

You pause. "How do you know I don't like nettle?"

If the table hadn't been tense before, it certainly was now. Ethel turns, and her face is pale. Willem is frozen, his face a careful mask. "You mentioned it in passing," he says.

That's a lie. You've never once complained about the tea; you're just happy to have it. You drink it the way Levi does, by clutching the rim of the cup, in a vain attempt to pretend he's around. You'd tried every kind that Ethel made and never once complained- even when there were definitely some questionable ones. You wouldn't dare complain. The only time you mentioned that you didn't like nettle tea was... in a letter to Levi.

Your blood runs cold. They're reading your mail.

In an instant, you force a smile and laugh. "I must have," you agree, your heart beating much too quickly in your chest. "Must've slipped my mind. Yes, green tea would be great, thank you for your consideration."

Your farce seems to convince Ethel, who regains some color in her cheeks as she turns around to make tea. Willem nods once at you, but you're not sure if he's fooled. The boys don't even notice, instead choosing to bicker with each other. Rann hums absently to herself, her eyes trained on the ceiling.

That's it. You need to get out of here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! Thank you so much for all your support so far, you're all amazing and I'm tempted to print out some of your comments and frame them on my wall.
> 
> I'm looking forward to fight scenes solely because I'm tempted to recreate them, film them, and upload them somewhere online so that if you wanted clarity, you could see the clips. I understand fight scenes are sometimes the hardest scenes to visualize, and as someone currently enrolled in martial arts, I feel like this is my time to shine.
> 
> Anywho. Thank you endlessly- you're all so kind. See you next week. <3


	12. 0 - 12

Finding a way or time to leave proves more difficult than you anticipated.

There's a stable that the Castello family shares with the neighbors, with only four horses inside: two that belong to them, and two that belong to said neighbors. The stable is always locked, which wouldn't be a problem for you if you thought you could get in and out quietly. Those horses aren't exactly quiet, and that barn door creaks so loudly that you can hear it from your room; it doesn't help that the stable is ridiculously close to the house.

When you're scouting it out, you notice that it's in direct view of Willem's bedroom window. It would be hard to sneak in undetected and leave quietly.

It's going to be even harder to get out of the house. The floors are so creaky that you wince with every step, and the only window in your room is the skylight. You're not even sure if the skylight can open, and even if it could, you're not sure you could get up there. Maybe if you dragged a table into the middle of the room, but that would be noisy.

Someone's always watching you during the day: whether you're chopping firewood, gardening, or keeping the kids occupied. You have the knife Levi gave you strapped to your thigh, under your skirts (or in your boot when you're wearing pants), and when you chop firewood, you've got an axe; you've considered fighting your way out if you have to but Willem seems to be carrying his gun on hand much more often now. You're not sure where he stores it or what he does with it, but from the occasionally psychopathic outbursts you've seen from him, you have no doubt he'll use it.

You're getting desperately close to saying _fuck it_ and just taking off during the day, risking Willem's shooting and the chase that would definitely follow, when you remember Levi.

Maybe you can ask for help. But they're reading your mail...

It takes you a while, but you draft out a letter to Levi. No matter how much he seems to be bothered by you and your presence, he's one of the only people you trust, even if he doesn't trust you. Hange's up there too, and although they're plenty smart and could probably figure out your hidden message, you need someone who can help you fight your way out of this if necessary- and that person's Levi.

You put your plan into action when your neighbor, Ted, comes over for lunch on the day he's set to depart for the city.

You bring up the topic as casually as you can. Ethel has just finished talking about supplying themselves with more parchment from the city, so you say, "speaking of paper, Ted, could you drop off a letter for me?"

"Sure thing," he says. "Same place as usual?"

"Yep," you say, pulling it out of your jacket pocket and handing it to him. He smiles merrily and tucks it into his pack. "Thanks."

"I thought you sent letters every other trip," Ethel says politely, pouring more tea. "Isn't this the week that your friends are supposed to write back?"

You nod and bring a hand to the back of your head, rubbing it sheepishly. "Yeah, but I realized I haven't been writing to a few people and I should probably extend my regards," you lie, grinning. "I was going to wait but I feel awful for making them wait so long already. It's been what, eight, nine months? I've lost track of the days."

The lie works. No one questions you. Willem eyes the letter suspiciously, and in your head you dare him to open it.

"You want anything while I'm out?" Ted asks, like he does every time.

Once again, you smile politely and say, "no, I'm alright, thank you."

He chuckles. "Don't want a new jacket? That one looks like it's seen better days."

You cross your arms, curling yourself into the black jacket that Levi had given you. "Just a little worn down, no issues with it," you said fondly. You've worn it nearly every day since you've gotten here, regardless of the weather. "It's, uh, one of the only things I have from my past life," you murmur. "I'm kind of attached."

The timeline hits you for a minute. How long has it been since you woke up? It's been well over a year- over six months of recovery and now at least eight or nine months here on the farm. You blink, reeling from the sudden processing of information.

Willem eyes you carefully, thinking, then nods to Ted. "Alright, miss, but if you get cold, don't say I didn't warn ya," Ted jokes.

He leaves later, but there's a time when he vanishes into Willem's study with him- probably to look at your letter. You puzzle it for a moment: while they're distracted, deciphering your note, could you leave? You could take off and run, but you wouldn't get far without a horse. You could get a horse, but the noise would summon them immediately.

You'll have to wait on Levi.

You spend the next few hours outside, gardening with Rann and watching the sun set. You're fidgety, anticipating your 'escape', but there's still so many questions up in the air. Ted hasn't returned yet, so you have no idea if your letter has been delivered or not. But the sun is dipping below the fence, turning the sky to a gorgeous orange color, and you know it can't be long before he comes back... right?

You glance at the far corner of the yard. The sunset on that weird tree in the back makes the branches look much thinner than they are; the ground below the branches is filled with dropped fruits. You wonder why the Castellos never touch them.

Ethel call out to you from inside, and you break out of your thoughts to listen to her. "We've got some old coats, if you'd like them," she says. "I think some might be your size."

"Oh, I've already taken enough from you," you protest. You're currently wearing a white collared shirt with a brown vest over top, layered white skirts, and your black jacket. The only thing that actually belongs to you is the jacket. All of the other clothing you've worn has belonged to them. "I couldn't."

"We insist," Ethel says with a small smile. "I know how attached you are to that jacket but it couldn't hurt to have a back up, or something warmer."

She's got a point. "Alright," you agree. "Living room?"

She nods, and you smile to her and then to Rann, thanking her for allowing you to garden with her. She doesn't acknowledge you, humming to herself as she sorts through various bags of seeds. You head up to your room, nodding to Willem as you pass him. You fold your jacket and tuck it into one of the drawers, hiding it beneath some of your shirts, then pass Willem again as you head back downstairs. "What can I try?" you ask, finding Ethel with a stack of jackets on the couch.

"All of them, if you'd like," she says, holding up a thick brown coat.

You try it on, but the material is scratchy and doesn't have nearly enough pockets. "Not bad," you say, because you don't want her to think you're taking her kindness for granted. "Anything with pockets?"

Ethel smiles. "You like your pockets, don't you?"

"I do," you agree with a smile. Her eyes flicker to something over your shoulder, then back to you so fast that you feel like you imagined it. "Can I try that black one, if that's okay?" you ask, pointing at another one in the stack.

She hands it to you, and it's comfy, but it's got a hood. You can already picture scenarios where someone grabs you by the hood and pulls you down- dangerous. Ethel hands you coat after coat, and you try every single one of them on. Some of them are pretty nice, but it's kind of hard to pick a new one when you're so attached to your old one.

"This one suits you," she says when you try on a long grey button-up coat.

You hum in thanks. "I do like this one," you agree, spinning in a circle.

"Yes, it's..." Ethel's eyes lock on the staircase behind you and she trails off. Frowning, you turn.

Willem is standing in the doorway, eyes wide with glee. He's grinning in a way that sends chills down your spine, and your intuition is screaming at you to run- he looks like a predator that just cornered his prey. "I knew it," he breathes, deranged eyes moving from Ethel to you. "I knew it, you... you are. You are my daughter."

He holds up his hand, and your heart threatens to leap out of your throat.

He's holding the necklace. The one hidden in your jacket pocket that directly linked you to this family. He'd searched your room- probably torn it apart.

"You lied," Willem hisses, stepping into the room. You take a step back, your hand drifting to where your knife is. "You said you'd tell me if you recognized this, this symbol," he urges, yanking his own necklace out to compare the two. The charms are identical. "You lied, you lied- you knew all along. Why? Why, my daughter, my little Castello, why would you lie?"

"Stay away from me," you warn, sliding your skirt up just to grab your knife. Ethel looks paralyzed in fear, but you keep her in the corner of your eye. "Stay back."

"You stayed but never said a word," he hums, moving closer to you. You take another step back, backing into the couch. "Why? Why would you stay if you had no intention of telling us? Of letting me suffer, thinking my daughter was dead to the world?"

 _Because you're a psychopath,_ you want to yell. You swallow hard. "Because there's something wrong here," you say, eyeing Ethel. She hasn't moved. "And I want to know what's going on."

"You wanted proof first, Ethel, here's your proof," Willem gloats, swinging the pendant around his finger. "We're doing this. Tonight."

"Doing what?" you demand, scanning the room for an exit point.

He lunges without warning. You sidestep instinctively, the knife shaking in your hand, and his hand snatches your wrist. You hesitate to stab him- even if he's a psychopath, he's your father- and Willem shoves your wrist into the wall. The impact makes you cry out, and the knife falls from your hand. 

Something in your brain clicks, and you grab his arm with your free hand. You twist with strength you didn't know you had, breaking your wrist free and locking his arm behind his back. You lean your newly freed arm down and snatch your knife up from the ground.

You hold his arm with one hand and bring your other hand to his throat, pressing the knife blade into his skin. "What the hell is going on?" you ask icily, still mildly overwhelmed because _what the hell did you just do, since when could you fight?_

No one moves. Ethel looks between the two of you in disbelief. "What," you snap, digging the blade into Willem's neck, "is going on?"

Your hesitation is gone. It's clear this man- regardless of his relationship to you- has nothing but ill intentions for you.

"We're cursed," Willem whispers, leaning away from your knife. "Our ancestors brought a curse down upon us, a curse, yes, a curse..." He's babbling like he's possessed. "And you're the key to freeing us. Yes, you are. You're the key."

"I'm the key," you repeat.

He nods, eyeing the knife warily. "The first woman born into this family since the curse. You're the key to fixing it all, you're our savior."

 _Savior._ This is sounding weirder and weirder the more you hear him talk. "What-" you start.

There's a crack, and a blinding pain in the side of your head. You stumble, slipping to the ground, your one good eye desperately searching for an answer to _what the fuck just happened._ You finally manage to focus on your attacker: Ethel, holding a broken plate in her hand. She hit you.

You try to form words, but your brain feels slow. So very slow...

You slump to the ground, succumbing to the pain and the darkness.

.

Levi reads your letter once, then twice.

It feels like it wasn't you who wrote it. Not only is it literally the length of every other letter you've sent him combined, but your sentence structuring is weird. He's never seen you write like this- it feels like there's something he's supposed to be seeing that isn't quite there.

He reads it for a third time, eyes narrowed.

_Levi;_

_Guess it'll be a while before I see you. Everyone has been so kind to me. The tea here is great and maybe I'll send you back some next time. Missing Isabel and Farlan right now. Ever think about saying hi to them for me? Oh, I wouldn't blame you if you don't. Understandably if you remember the first letter._

_Tanner's one of the ones I miss too, say hi to him for me. Have I ever mentioned my room has a skylight? Every time I look up, I remember you all. Let everyone know I say hi. Please and thank you._

It's so bizarre. Isabel and Farlan are dead- and unless you've gone insane then that shouldn't be right. And you've never asked for Tanner in a single one of your other letters. Wasn't he that stupid assistant that wandered around with Doctor Fizal?

"She's being nice," Levi says to himself with a scowl. You're _never_ nice. "Please and thank you?" he mutters.

There's something wrong. There's got to be something wrong. One line just seems so out of place: _understandably if you remember the first letter._ Levi reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a stack of letters- the ones you've sent him in the past eight months. Your first one had been curt and to the point: nothing hidden in that message.

Then there's the timing. Normally your letters came every four weeks: this one came in two. That man- Willem, your possible father, whatever- brought letters in when he came in, and on his next visit two weeks later, would pick up the letters from himself and Hange from the main office.

"Pain in the ass," Levi growls, standing up from his bed.

He wanders down the hallway until he's at Hange's room. He knocks twice and hears "just a minute!" and then a resounding crash. He sighs impatiently. There's a scramble of footsteps, then the door is thrown open. Hange's hair is sticking up in every direction and there's a smear of something dark across their cheek- Levi doesn't want to know what it is. "Levi!" they say in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

He holds up the paper. "Letter."

"For me?" Hange says excitedly, reaching out.

Levi snaps his hand back, keeping it out of reach of their dirty fingers. "No, you slob," he says, wrinkling his nose. "For me. From her. But there's something wrong with it."

"I thought she only sent letters once a month," Hange says, frowning. "Let me see."

"Clean your hands first."

"Fine, fine." Hange ducks back into their room, then emerges with a cloth, wiping any signs of dirt or grease off their hands. "Gimme." Grudgingly, Levi hands it over, and Hange takes the letter in one hand and grabs their glasses with the other. Frowning, they scan the letter, and when they get to the end, start reading it again.

Levi scowls impatiently and crosses his arms. "Something's off."

"Well, it's not that strange," Hange muses, pushing their glasses up higher on their nose. "Besides mentioning, well..." they glance up at Levi, then trail off. "It feels weird, too. She doesn't normally talk like this. All of her letters are much better put together than this. Unless this is something just for you?"

"Every one of her letters to me has been one sentence," Levi says with a roll of his eyes.

"Ah. And it feel strangely polite. Please and thank you?" He waits for Hange to continue. "She's referring to the first letter? What was her first letter to you?"

"I'm writing to you whether you like it or not and I'm expecting you to write back."

Hange snorts in laughter. "Yeah, sounds like her." They scan the letter again, then dip into their room. Levi follows, watching where he steps; there's pieces of equipment scattered across the floor. Hange brings the letter to the desk and holds it up to the light of their lantern. "Hm. What if... Oh!"

"What?" Levi says immediately, moving closer.

"Well, I was thinking that these sentences seemed really choppy. Like, some of them could've been combined easily. But what if she did that on purpose?" Hange grins excitedly and grabs a report sheet, flipping it over so that they can write on the back. "So what if 'first letter' actually refers to the first letter of each sentence?"

"Could be it," he agrees as Hange starts scribbling letters down on their paper.

When they're done, it looks like a mess: _LGETMEOUTHELP._

"Take out my name," Levi says. "Space it."

Hange rewrites it. _GET ME OUT HELP._

Levi's blood runs cold. He snatches the letter from Hange's desk and turns around, dashing out the door. "Levi!" Hange shouts, scrambling to run after him. "Are you going after her? Wait- wait for me, I'll come too!"

Of course he is. "Pain in the ass, Logan," Levi mutters under his breath as he takes off for the stables, Hange running after him. "Pain in the ass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because what's better than Levi riding in as your knight in shining armor?? Absolutely nothing.
> 
> Two more chapters and then I'll _finally_ be in season one. I plan to finish this series all the way through to the end of Attack On Titan, and I promise you this will not be abandoned midway; my credentials lie in three 200k - 450k word fics on my ff-dot-net account that I got all the way through on. It'll happen, I promise.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading. I love you all. <3


End file.
